For she, as a woman, in spite of her nervous, visionary temperament,
could resolutely forget the past, bravely go forward to meet the future,
compelling happiness to come to her by her sweet patience and elastic
constancy. Had not all the woes of the past lain outside them both? Had
not Frank done penance enough for his fit of rage to hold up his head
again now? Oh, they would soon have got over it completely; they would
insist on being happy, and she would cure him of everything like
heart-sickness.
Thus she hoped on, a long, long time, refusing at first to acknowledge
that he grew more melancholy and gloomy, sinking into deeper and deeper
dejection under his burden. But at last she was compelled to see it,
could no longer blind herself. She could not help seeing that he sat
speechless when she talked so hopefully, listened in silence to her
cheerful words and bright illusions, saying nothing, and sometimes
closing his eyes with a sigh which he tried to suppress. She could not
deceive herself; her sanguine moods aroused in him only an echo of
despair.
And when one day this was suddenly clear to her, she felt, suddenly too,
that her nervous fears had worn her out; that she was sad and ill; that
her courage, her hopes, her illusions were sinking down, down, deeper
and deeper. A bitterness as of wormwood rose up in her, tainting
everything; she flung herself on her bed, in her loneliness,
heart-broken, in utter anguish, and cursed her life, cursed God, in
helpless woe.
III.
Then, circumstances occurred which, in spite of all this, led to its
being settled that they were to be married in quite a short time--in
about six weeks. Frank had been helped by some of his old friends to
obtain an appointment as engineer in a great Glasgow firm; Eva was to
have her mother's fortune; there were no difficulties in the way.
Frank now always spent the whole of Sunday at Sir Archibald's house. He
came to lunch, sitting as silent as ever, and after lunch they were
usually left to themselves. At first the hours flew by, sped by Eva's
day dreams, though she was still, and in spite of herself, somewhat
nervous; they would discuss various matters and even read together. But
then for some little time minute would link itself to minute, while they
did nothing but sit side by side on a deep sofa, holding each other's
hands, and gazing into vacancy. And a moment came when they could no
longer endure that grasp--no longer dared. The image of Bertie, with his
purple, blood-stained face, would rise up between them; their hands
parted--they were both thinking of the dead. Eva felt as if she had been
an accomplice in the deed. As it grew darker intolerable misery would so
overpower her that it seemed as though she must suffocate; then they
would throw the windows open and stand for a long, long time to refresh
themselves in the cool air, looking out over the Park in the gathering
gloom. She listened in dread to Frank's breath as it came and went.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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