FER. My dear aunt, I do think myself fortunate. To be running about from morning to night, as I am, continually relieving my fellow creatures from the excruciating pangs of neuralgia, makes life one long summer's day of happiness. It makes me so light-hearted that I'm always singing, or humming, or whistling, and so I'm known among my friends as the musical instrument. MRS. W. And what, may I ask, is your remedy? FER. The simplest thing in the world. You take--(_feeling in his pocket for bottle_)--Hullo! By Jove!--(_seeing bottle on table_)--Ah! yes, to be sure, I left it here. You take two or three drops of this colorless fluid, make the smallest of punctures in the lobe of the right ear, inject it, and the pain goes as if by magic. If you are suffering now, aunt-- MRS. W. I am always suffering. FER. Then let me try. MR. W. Yes, my dear. Let Ferdinand try. MRS. W. It is your _wish_ that I should do so, Mr. Watmuff? MR. W. My dear, of course it is. I would give anything to see you free from pain. MRS. W. It is enough; my husband's wish is law to me. (TO FERDINAND.) Apply your remedy, sir. FER. With pleasure. (_Brings down large easy-chair._) WALTER (_aside, appearing from behind screen at back_). I am glad I made up my mind to see through this. Upon my soul, I'm beginning to admire Mrs. Watmuff. What ruffians these men are! FER. Now, my dear aunt, sit in this chair, and lean back. You will soon be free from pain. MR. W. Yes, my love, do just as Ferdinand tells you, and you will soon be free from pain. FER. (_operating_). All that you will feel is one sharp prick in the lobe of the ear,--there,--I haven't even drawn blood. Now for the bottle. (_As the water is applied_, MRS. WATMUFF _becomes gradually stiff and rigid; finally her eyes close, her hands drop, and she appears to be lifeless_.) FER. Pretty process, isn't it? MR. W. Beautiful! How calm she is! I never saw her calmer. FER. No; and I don't suppose you ever will again. MR. W. Ferdinand, I wouldn't have her hear me for the world, but I have an awful time of it with this woman. FER. I don't doubt you. I've always considered my aunt as the most unpleasant person of my acquaintance. (_Lights a cigar._) Smoke, uncle? MR. W. Thanks, Ferdinand. (_Lights cigar._) Ah! That's real enjoyment. That's the first cigar I've smoked since I married your aunt. She never would let me. Would it bring her to if I blew some smoke in her face, Ferdinand? FER. Not at all. Only the infallible mixture will restore her. MR. W. (_blows smoke of cigar into_ MRS. WATMUFF'S _face_). There! There! There! There! That's done me a lot of good, Ferdinand, and now we'll have a glass of wine. (_Puts his hand into_ MRS. WATMUFF'S _pocket and produces key_.) She pocketed the cellar key on our wedding-day, Ferdinand, and has kept it ever since; but, by Gad, I'll have a duplicate made now.