Freezing a Mother-in-Law; or, Suspended Animation: A farce in one actPemberton, T. Edgar (Thomas Edgar)
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Freezing a Mother-in-Law; or, Suspended Animation: A farce in one act
Pemberton, T. Edgar (Thomas Edgar)
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
WALTER. Emily, it is right that I should tell you all. You have alluded
to your mother. You know that in the first delirium of my love for you
I was inclined--God forgive me!--to resent the manifest objections
which that honored lady showed towards my pretensions. Hot-headed fool
that I was, Emily, I cruelly misjudged her. I thought that her
objections were mere prejudices. Circumstances have since come to my
knowledge which have convinced me that--though we cannot yet quite see
why--she is right, and that, distress us as it may, we are in duty
bound to bow before her greater experience, and to yield to her wisely
dispensed commands.
EMILY. Walter, an inward voice tells me that you are right. Without
asking why, we ought to acquiesce in her views. Sometimes I fear that
my poor mother's life is not so happy as it should be.
WALTER. Indeed it is not. Your father--but no, I can at least spare you
the pain of that sad story. We are both familiar with your dear
mother's loving and tender allusions to the memory of her parents. May
you, in years to come, enjoy the same proud privilege! May I, when old
and gray-headed, at least be able to think that I left my Emily in that
luxury, a lifelong legacy! And now, my dearest, I shall kiss you once,
and bid you a last good-by.
EMILY. No, Walter; you will not kiss me. At such a season as this, when
we have agreed to part, such an act would be on your part unmanly, on
mine unmaidenly. I will open the street door for you; more I cannot do.
(_Exeunt_ WALTER _and_ EMILY, _door_ L. MRS. WATMUFF _again
appears at door of cupboard_.)
MRS. W. Oh, most excellent young man! Oh, most dutiful of daughters!
You have indeed earned the blessing of your mother, and straightway you
shall have it. I will to them, and delay his departure. (_Exit_ MRS.
WATMUFF, _door_ L.)
(_Enter_ MR. WATMUFF, _door_ R., _carrying two cans of hot
water_.)
MR. W. I thought it would never boil, and yet _I_ was boiling over all
the time. Oh, what a hideous time this is! But I have made up my mind.
I can bear this no longer; and, antidote or no antidote, I shall try
and thaw the poor thing with hot water. My poor darling! (_Opens
cupboard door and finds it empty. He sinks with a shriek into the
nearest chair._) Oh, horror! horror! horror! The body has been
discovered and removed. All is over now--I am indeed undone!
(_Enter_ FERDINAND SWIFT, _door_ R.)
FER. Undone? Not a bit of it. Overdone, I should say, from the look of
you. Don't be an old lunatic. Pull yourself together. Look
here--(_shaking him_)--it's all right; I've found my other bottle; here
it is. She'll be herself again in a few minutes.
MR. W. She won't, Ferdinand; it's all over. The body has been
discovered and removed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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