PERCY. Well, I--I--I just stepped out--because--I heard someone crying for help--in Spanish! CASHIER. You stepped out so quickly that you turned your hat all the way around! PERCY. Yes--yes. CASHIER. Well, are you going to fix it? (PERCY _does so_) Sit down. (PERCY _sits down_) Now stay right here. There’s a Frenchman here who doesn’t understand a word of English. He has sent for a police officer. I don’t know what he wants. PERCY. Neither do I. CHANOINE-MALHERBE. (_Outside_) Apportez-moi du vin. Garçon, garçon! PERCY. Listen to it! Whew! (_Enter_ CHANOINE-MALHERBE, _down-stage left, at the moment when the Officer appears in the door center_.) CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Ce commissaire--? Ah! OFFICER. Well, what is it? Is this the gentleman who wanted me? Why couldn’t you have called at the station yourself? CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Oui. OFFICER. No “_Oui_” about it. That’s the way we do things in our country. CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Oui. OFFICER. I can see you’re a foreigner, only next time you’ll know what to do. CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Oui. CASHIER. He doesn’t understand a word of English. OFFICER. And I don’t understand a word of French. We’ll get on fine together! CASHIER. (_To_ PERCY, _who has been trying to escape_) Interpreter! PERCY. (_Coming down-stage_) Ye-es? OFFICER. (_To_ PERCY) Find out what he wants? CHANOINE-MALHERBE. (_To_ HARRY) Ah, M. l’Interprète! PERCY. Oui, oui. CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Dites-lui que je me nomme Jean-Jacques Chanoine-Malherbe, que je viens de Paris pour trouver ma fille qui s’en est allée de chez moi avec un jeune homme, et---- OFFICER. What’s he say? PERCY. It’s a long story. Very complicated--hm--this gentleman before you is a--Frenchman. OFFICER. I know that! PERCY. He came to London--just--just as Frenchmen do come to London. OFFICER. But why does he need an officer? PERCY. Wait, wait, I must have time to translate. CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Dites-lui que---- PERCY. Exactly. (_To the_ OFFICER) Do you want to know why this Frenchman wants an officer? Well--he’s been robbed. A pocket-book. Now this gentleman got off--got off--the express---- CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Dites-lui---- PERCY. Wait! (_To_ OFFICER) Got off the express at Victoria, when a mysterious-looking individual came up--and took his pocket-book. CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Très bien! PERCY. Oui, oui. (_He tries to get away again, when_ CHANOINE-MALHERBE _takes out his pocket-book_) OFFICER. He’s got _two_ pocket-books! PERCY. Didn’t you know that? All Frenchmen have two pocket-books. CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Voici sa photographie. OFFICER. The thief’s photograph?! CHANOINE-MALHERBE. Oui, oui. OFFICER. These Frenchmen! How did he get the thief’s picture? PERCY. I forgot to tell you, but the man who stole the pocket-book was an old acquaintance. OFFICER. What name? Ask him. PERCY. The name? Hm--Why his name is--er--Gaston---- OFFICER. How do you spell it? PERCY. Why do you want me to spell it?--G-e-s-t-n-n----