Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being SeriousMarsh, Richard
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Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being Serious
Marsh, Richard
Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
"'Now,' I said, when I began to feel a little cooler, 'perhaps you
will tell me what I am here for?'
"'Apparently,' he gasped--the little man was breathless--'to murder
me.'
"'My good man, you shouldn't provoke me.'
"In a sort of unconscious soliloquy I heard him murmur:
"'_Mon Dieu! Ces Anglaises!_' Then with a visible shudder, '_Si elle
etait ma femme!_'
"'Baron d'Ardigny, if you do not wish me to shake you again you will
tell me what I am here for.'
"'Inquire of Philippe.'
"'I will not inquire of Philippe--whoever Philippe may happen to be. I
inquire of you. And I intend you to answer my inquiry. I suppose that
I am here for something."
"'For a great deal, it seems.' His hand stole towards his neck.
'_Bonne chance! Elle a cassé mon col_.'
"'Answer me.'
"Dear mamma, I shook him up a little.
"'I will answer you! _Par exemple! Quel hercule!_'
"'Then do so.'
"'If you will permit me to stand upon my feet I will answer you at
once.'
"'Answer me where you are.'
"But, mademoiselle, I am an officer. It is impossible that an officer
can sit upon a table.'
"'Answer--me--at--once!' Dear mamma, I shook him again.
"'_Ah, sacré nom! C'est embêtant!_ Will you destroy my clothing? Look
into that drawer.'
"I pulled out the drawer. The first thing I saw was a telegram. I took
it up.
"'Is this it?'
"'That is it! You have said! Now, perhaps, you will permit me to
descend.'
"'I think, Baron, that you had better stay for a moment where you
are.'
"I opened the telegram.
"'Detain Conrad Godwin coming by boat from Harwich.'
"'I fancy, M. le Baron, someone has been hoaxing you.'
"'Hoaxing me! What you mean?'
"'It strikes me that if I make public the usage to which you have
subjected me, you are a ruined man.'
"'_Une jolie femme! Elle marche!_ And if I make public the treatment
which you have accorded to the chief of the police, how is that for
you--eh?'
"'Very good. We will leave it so. I will communicate with our
ambassador, our ambassador will communicate with your Government, your
Government will communicate with you.'
"'Mees Nash, I do not understand.'
"'Baron d'Ardigny, if you call me "Mees Nash" again I shall box your
ears. I was married yesterday, and, as I have already told you, I am
Mrs. Conrad Godwin.'
"Dear mamma, I think I _should_ have boxed them. He was _so_
provoking. But while we were staring at one another--the little man
looked thunderstruck!--the door of the room opened and--Conrad
entered.
"'Jennie!' he cried.
"I had intended, when we did meet again, to assume towards him a
dignified deportment, and to treat him with the just resentment which
his conduct merited. But before I knew it I found that I was in his
arms.
"I believe he kissed me--before the Baron. And I am afraid that we
both of us behaved in rather a foolish way. Which is the more strange
because, you know, dear mamma, I am a stickler for decorum.
"'Conrad, I thought that you had left your wife for ever?'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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