Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and PictureCox, Palmer
General
Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and Picture
Cox, Palmer
Canadian wit and humor
The blood, which at first forsook her cheeks through fear, was almost
instantly forced back into her visage again by the pendant position of
her head.
She beat the empty tin pan which she still retained in her hand, but the
voracious and hunger-pinched vulture had no notion of relinquishing his
hold on account of noise. On the contrary, he seemed to enjoy it, and
with many a sturdy twitch and flap, and many an airy wheel, he still
held his way toward a rugged promontory situated at the head of the
valley. Fortunately, when he was twenty feet from the ground and about
eighty rods from the cottage, the calico dress and undergarments in
which mainly his talons were fastened, gave out, and the liberated woman
dropped on hands and knees in the muddy bed of the creek, over which the
bird was passing at the time.
While hovering over her, about to pounce down upon her and try the
elevating business again, a sheep-herder who had seen the bird
approaching the cottage, gave him a dose of buckshot, which broke one
wing and left him at the mercy of his captor.
[Illustration]
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.
_Jonathan_.—“I hain’t got no tongue for soapin’ of ye, Susan Jane. I
mean _business_, I do. Will ye hev me?”
_Susan Jane_.—“I don’t know much about ye, Jonathan Junkit, but I’m
willin’ to risk it, anyhow. Yer’s my hand. I’m yourn.”
_Old Volume._
This afternoon I attended a private wedding on Howard Street. I may
safely term it “marriage in high life,” as the combined height of the
couple was something over twelve feet.
The groom was a bachelor, who for many a year had stood around the fire
like the half of a tongs, very good as a poker, but not worth standing
room as a picker up.
He looked as though it wouldn’t require much advice to make him—even at
the eleventh hour—prove recreant to his vows, and back out from under
the yoke the reverend gentleman was about to place upon his neck.
His companion, however, was no novice in the business in which she was
engaged. She was fearlessly putting forth upon that sea on which she had
twice been wrecked, but she was nothing loth to try it again. Were she
only skilled in navigation as well as in embarkation, she would have
been the one to send on expeditions to either the North or South Pole,
as the case might be.
[Illustration: THE TRYING MOMENT.]
It was truly encouraging to the timorous and uninitiated, to see with
what a broad smile she regarded her husband that was to be; and with
what a readiness she responded to the momentous question propounded by
the minister. And when they stood as husband and wife, her Milesian face
lighted up with irrepressible joy, until it beamed like a Chinese
lantern.
Her emotions went far to convince me that there is in those matrimonial
fields a balm for every ill; a perfect bliss worthy the seeking, even at
the risk of receiving the bruised spirit, if not the bruised head.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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