Comedy plays; English drama -- Early modern and Elizabethan, 1500-1600
_Baily._ Yea, but who knoweth that, when he meets you in the dark?
I am sure your learning shines not out at your nose!
Was it any marvel, though the poor woman arose
And start up, being afraid of that was in her purse?
Me-think you may be glad that your luck was no worse.
_Doctor Rat._ Is not this evil enough, I pray you, as you think?
[_Showing his broken head._
_Baily._ Yea, but a man in the dark, if chances do wink,
As soon he smites his father as any other man,
Because for lack of light discern him he ne can.
Might it not have been your luck with a spit to have been slain?
_Doctor Rat._ I think I am little better, my scalp is cloven to the
brain.
If there be all the remedy, I know who bears the knocks.
_Baily._ By my troth, and well worthy besides to kiss the stocks!
To come in on the back side, when ye might go about!
I know none such, unless they long to have their brains knock'd out.
_Doctor Rat._ Well, will you be so good, sir, as talk with dame Chat.
And know what she intended? I ask no more but that.
_Baily._ Let her be called, fellow, because of
Master Doctor [_to Scapethrift_],
I warrant in this case she will be her own proctor;
She will tell her own tale in metre or in prose,
And bid you seek your remedy, and so go wipe your nose.
THE FIFTH ACT. THE SECOND SCENE.
M. BAILY, CHAT, D. RAT, GAMMER, HODGE, DICCON.
_Baily._ Dame Chat, Master Doctor upon you here complained
That you and your maids should him much misorder,
And taketh many an oath, that no word be feigned,
Laying to your charge, how you thought him to murder;
And on his part again, that same man saith furder,
He never offended you in word nor intent.
To hear you answer hereto, we have now for you sent.
_Chat._ That I would have murdered him? fie on him, wretch!
And evil mought he the for it, our Lord I beseech.
I will swear on all the books that opens and shuts,
He feigneth this tale out of his own guts;
For this seven weeks with me, I am sure, he sat not down.
[_To Rat._] Nay, ye have other minions, in the other end of the town,
Where ye were liker to catch such a blow,
Than anywhere else, as far as I know!
_Baily._ Belike, then Master Doctor, yon stripe there ye got not!
_Doctor Rat._ Think you I am so mad that where I was bet I wot not?
Will ye believe this quean, before she hath tried it?
It is not the first deed she hath done, and afterward denied it.
_Chat._ What, man, will you say I broke your head?
_Doctor Rat._ How canst thou prove the contrary?
_Chat._ Nay, how provest thou that I did the deed?
_Doctor Rat._ Too plainly, by St Mary,
This proof, I trow, may serve, though I no word spoke!
[_Showing his broken head._
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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