It was at this time that Basine proudly felt himself a worthwhile member
of society and grew to smile with tolerant disdain upon all persons who
busied themselves with the illusions he had overcome by the simple
process of denying them life. He called them fools, scoundrels, lunatics
and dreamers and he agreed with his friends that they were creatures
engaged in filling the world with discomfort and error. His dislike for
them did not make him unhappy for he was content in the flattering
knowledge that most people, everybody he knew and whose opinion he
valued, were like himself. His thoughts were nearly everybody's thoughts
and his life was like everybody's life. There was a sense of strength,
even satisfaction in this. He relapsed gracefully into a quiet emptiness
out of which he was able to derive final embalming fluid for his vanity
by pitying the distractions and unrest of others.
Then he died. The sight of her husband lying under the glass of the
coffin had reminded Mrs. Basine of the curious fact that in their youth
love had brought them together. A memory burrowed its way from under the
débris of twenty-six years and confronted her. A memory of wild nights,
flushed cheeks, shining eyes, hope and careless words. And the dim
yesterday, the long-forgotten yesterday that lay in the coffin with the
paunchy figure of the bald-headed silk-merchant became suddenly real
again.
When she was alone that night Mrs. Basine wept miserably for a love that
had died twenty-five years ago and lain buried and unmourned under the
débris of these years. A tardy exhibition of grief, sincere but
enfeebled by its own age, it spent itself in a few hours. The tears for
the memory of vanished youth and vanished love of which the body waiting
in the coffin had become for a space of grotesque symbol, were followed
by the inarticulate sense of an anti-climax.
Howard Basine's dying was somehow not a tragedy to the woman who had
lived with him for twenty-six years. When she had wept at first, the
idea of death came like a panic to her heart. Things had died. Days,
nights, hopes had died. But she had been unaware of their dying. The
figure of her husband leaving for his day's work, returning from his
day's work, sitting at the head of the table, retiring to bed with
her--this had been a mask behind which the dying of things remained
concealed.
Now that he had closed his eyes and vanished it was as if a mask had
been removed. One could see all at once all the things that had died.
And she saw not only Howard lying dead, but most of herself. In her mind
she had no memory of the illusory selves she had lived, like her
husband, alone. These illusory selves whose successes and romances she
had caressed in secret had of late abandoned her. Like her husband she
had turned to the shells they had created about themselves as the
comforting reward of her life's negation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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