Professor:—“Gentlemen, I can inform you that during the past month, more boys than girls were born in our city; but as to the weddings celebrated during the same period, the number of women who were married exceeds that of the men considerably.” Entered In “Gentlemen, at the last lecture we studied the outer form and structure of the stomach; to-day we will enter into the stomach itself.” At an Operation “Please, gentlemen, put your knives away now, and take your fingers in your hand.” At the Hospital Professor:—“We have no patient here to-day who needs an operation, but as his Highness, our patron, wishes to attend one, we will try one on this man here. He is a stranger in the city, so it will be all right.” Consistency Doctor:—“Do you make experiments at your hospital?” Professor:—“I should say so! We have, for instance, three divisions for inflammation of the lungs. In the first, the patients are not given anything; in the second, they are given tartar-emetic; in the third, tartar-emetic and they are also bled. In all three divisions deaths are about even.” Doctor:—“Don’t you think that many a patient of the first division could be saved, by being bled?” Professor:—“Don’t doubt it, but it can’t be done. We must be firm, to reach the desired result.” The Ruling Passion Miser:—“If, as you say, there is nothing more to be done for me, I should like it better if you could fix it so that I shall be dead and buried by New Year.” Doctor:—“What do you wish that for?” Miser:—“Because I could save a lot of money on New Year’s presents.” The Medicine Chest A ship’s doctor was in the habit of prescribing sea-water for most ills. One day by an unlucky accident, he fell overboard. “Hello, Jack,” called one sailor to another, “the doctor fell into his medicine chest!” Doctors Not Unlike Policemen The prince of R. once said to Hufeland: “You are a famous physician. You know the human body so well inside and out, that you ought to be able to cure all ills!” “It is with doctors as with policemen,” replied Hufeland. “We know the streets well, but how the houses look on the inside, we can only guess at.” Bound to Succeed “Say, surgeon,” thundered the Colonel, “several more soldiers have died and you don’t even seem to know the cause of so many deaths!” “Oh, I shall get at the mystery,” returned the surgeon, “if it takes the whole regiment.” The Co-laborers Lady:—“Would you mind telling me, Doctor, how it is that you have so many patients?” Doctor:—“That is very simple. I have three fine agents, who work for me and bring me patients, without being paid for it; they are Poverty, Intemperance, and Imagination.” No Need of a Doctor Doctor:—“While taking this cure, you must diet yourself strictly; avoid all fatty and acid foods; and leave beer and wine alone.”