Patient:—“Hold on, Doctor; if I must do without all that, I’ll get well without you. If you can’t help me to be well, while I eat and drink what I like, I have no use for either yourself or your science!” Practice Makes Perfect Doctor:—“Well, you are coughing with less exertion to-day!” Patient:—“That’s not surprising, Doctor, since I practiced at it all night.” A Dyeing Patient Doctor:—“My dear woman, your husband is in the greatest danger! His hands and arms are very red; he has scarlet fever in the worst form!” Wife:—“But, Doctor, my husband is a dyer, and was using red this morning.” Doctor:—“Oh well, then I can perhaps save him yet!” Curiosity “You see, Doctor, whenever I shake my head, my brain hurts dreadfully.” “Why do you shake your head, then?” “How else can I find out that my brain hurts?” The Greater Risk Doctor:—“Well, Moses, what has happened?” Moses:—“What has happened? My wife drank coal-oil.” Moses, Jr.:—“Father, mother is calling for you constantly; do go in to her, so she will get quiet!” Moses:—“The Lord have mercy! I should go to her? You go in first, Doctor.” Doctor:—“Why shall I go in first?” Moses:—“I have six children to support.” Doctor:—“Well, and——?” Moses:—“Well, and? you ask, Doctor, and yet you are a smart man. What if she should explode the moment I was with her?” Lung Trouble Countryman:—“Doctor, will you please prescribe a little something for me. I think something is wrong with my lung.” Doctor (after examining him):—“You go quietly home, my man; as long as you will live, your lung will hold out all right.” How He Got Home Dr. Schneider was awakened at midnight by a stranger who asked him to come to a patient at a little town two hours distant. “It is very urgent,” added the messenger. The Doctor had his team brought around, and drove away with the stranger. Arrived at the town, the man jumped from the buggy, saying: “I am very much obliged to you, Doctor. I was dead tired and did not know how to get home, so I thought of you and your team. Now I shall be at home in a few minutes. I hope you will get home all right.” Out of Joint Augusta:—“Well, Ricke, I tell you it is dreadful to be a servant in a Doctor’s family? Just think, every morning his bones are scattered all over the room!” Ricke:—“Good gracious! Does the man take himself apart every evening?” Patience Minister (at a sick bed):—“Just have patience, my good woman; all will be well.” Old country woman:—“It’s easy to talk, sir, but I should just like to know what I have done. Lots of people die so easy, and it’s killing me!” Death Loves a Shining Mark “Rebecca,” said Reb Baruch, who was dangerously ill, to his wife, “get your most beautiful gown and dress yourself as for a wedding!” “Why? What for? What good would it do you?” “I’ll tell you. If the angel of death should enter, and see you standing there, looking so beautiful, he might like you better, and take you instead of me!” Rheumatism or Gout