Growling and scolding—for Heim was as famous for his roughness as for his skill—he went away. When he returned a few hours later and the dishes were uncovered, it was found that the oysters mixed with cheese had dissolved into a foam-like substance, while those soaked in rum were in an unchanged condition. “Well, who was right?” asked Heim. The unhappy relatives were forced to look upon themselves as the murderers of their beloved dead. A New Cure for Headache A lady patient, who often suffered from severe headaches, once asked Heim’s pardon for trying a remedy which was said to be an infallible cure. She had been told when next the pain came on, to cover her head with cabbage. “Very good thing,” said Heim, “but don’t forget to put a sausage on top of it.” Strange Effects of Alcohol One evening Heim was called into a family where the infant daughter had been suddenly taken with spasms. Heim felt the baby’s pulse, shook his head, felt his own pulse, then the infant’s again, and at last said: “The baby is drunk; her pulse is exactly the same as mine.” That seemed a queer diagnosis, but it was soon evident that old Heim was right as usual. There had been a celebration in the family that day, and the wet nurse had made use of the occasion to drink a bottle of wine on the sly. Good for Asses A lady of the aristocracy bothered old Heim dreadfully with questions as to what she could feed her baby on, to make it grow fat. One day she followed him to the house door. “One thing more, dear Doctor! What is asses’ milk good for?” “For young asses,” replied Heim, and walked off. Wanted a Return for Her Money Cook:—“Good Frau, since there are two holy days coming, I am going to the hospital.” Mistress:—“Why, Marie! are you ill?” Cook:—“No, thank God; there is nothing the matter with me, but I have paid my sick benefit regularly for six years, and I should like to get something out of it.” His Reward “You are an awfully good-natured fellow, to give your man his medicine, yourself. Not many masters would do it.” “Well, you see, the medicine tastes so horrid, that it is great fun to see the faces he makes, as I pour it down his throat.” Better Than Half a Nose While operating upon an old man, Professor Billroth, of Vienna, told the physicians and students present the following amusing story: “Some time ago an old man came to me to consult me about the disease of his nose. He owned only half a one, and that was not worth much, so he thought I could operate upon it and give him a decent artificial one. I asked how old he was. ‘I am eighty years old,’ he said. “‘Do you think it necessary at that age to undergo an operation?’ I asked of my patient. “‘Professor,’ says the old fellow, ‘my father lived to be one hundred and twenty-five years old, and I don’t see why I should walk around for forty-five years with only half a nose.’” Kill or Cure The wife of a farmer in Westphalia was seriously ill, and the doctor was sent for.