“I have a hundred thalers in this bag here, doctor,” said the well-to-do farmer, “and whether you kill her or cure her, you shall have the money.” The patient died. A few months later, the doctor came to get the promised money. “I am ready to keep my promise,” said the farmer, “but first you will answer me two questions: did you kill my wife?” “God forbid!” said the doctor. “I certainly could not say yes, to that!” “So much the better. Well, then, did you cure her?” “No.” “Then I am sorry I can’t give you the money. If you wish to bring suit for it—I can’t prevent you.” The doctor took good care not to go to law about it. Dr. Schweninger as a Statue A porter once took a friend from the country to show him around Munich, and among other places of interest they went to the University. The countryman wanted to know what the figures on the front of the building meant. The porter, to hide his ignorance, mentioned several great men of the time. Arrived at a scantily clad Greek philosopher, he says unblushingly: “That is Dr. Schweninger!” “Oh, Bismarck’s family doctor! But why hasn’t he a coat on?” “Well, you know, Seppel, since he cured the Chancellor, the people just fight over him, so it is no wonder he hasn’t a coat left.” An Uncertain Bargain At the clinic of the University of Kiel, appeared some time ago, a stalwart countryman about forty years of age, who asked Professor N. to buy his skeleton. “But, my good man,” said he, looking him all over, “I am afraid we should have to wait a long time to come into possession of our own. What do you want the money for?” “Well, sir, I wanted to emigrate to Australia with it,” replied the countryman. Natural Death A traveler asked the host of a country tavern why, being ill, he did not send for a physician? “Well,” replied the sick man, “the people of this village don’t think anything of doctors; we all like to die a natural death.” “Got You at Last” A physician from Baden-Baden tells this story: “It was a clear cold night—after twelve o’clock. I was returning from a visit in the country, and riding through the forests I heard the sounds of ax-strokes. There was no doubt about what this meant. I was in good humor, so I tied my horse to a tree, sneaked up close to the thieves, and watched their doings for a while. As they were giving the last strokes which were to bring down a beautiful tree, I jumped from behind my hiding-place, crying: ‘Got you at last, you villains!’ “‘Clear out—it’s the forester!’ called a voice; and as quick as lightning the whole company disappeared. One ax was left behind, and I took it as a trophy and rode home. The whole affair passed so quickly that I could not see distinctly any one of the trespassers.