“How did you manage to have your attorney take such an interest in your lawsuit?” “I borrowed a hundred dollars from him. If I lose my lawsuit he will lose his money.” Fatal Judge:—“Well, Doctor, what do you think of your patient’s wounds?” Doctor:—“Two of them are fatal, without a doubt; but if the patient is kept quiet, it is probable that the third one will be healed in a couple of months.” A Great Temptation “How did you break into that house?” “Your Honor, it was two o’clock in the morning; no night watchman in sight; an open window in front of me—why, you yourself would have gone in!” Misplaced Pathos “Gentlemen of the Jury! When the pear is ripe, it falls from the tree! This pear (pointing towards the accused) grew ripe, fell from the tree, and here it sits—in the dock!” Before the Court Judge:—“So the accused stole a _salam_, (choice sausage)—where is it?” Constable:—“Here, your Honor, is the _corpus delicati_.” Curious to Hear Judge:—“You wish your trial postponed, prisoner, because your counsel has been taken ill; but since you were caught red-handed and have confessed the theft, I don’t see what your counsel could say in your favor.” Prisoner:—“That’s just what I am curious to hear, your Honor!” Among Ourselves Presiding Judge (addressing the crowd in the courtroom):—“I warn you that if there are any more disturbances, I’ll have the court cleared!” Prisoner:—“That’ll be much better, your Honor; then we’ll be among ourselves!” Wished to Confess “If it pleases the court,” said a prisoner, who so far had stoutly denied his guilt, during the poor defense his counsel made, “make him shut up; I’d rather confess.” A Fatal Cold Governor (to a prisoner while inspecting the penitentiary):—“What brought you here?” Prisoner:—“My cold.” Governor:—“What? Your cold?” Prisoner:—“Yes, sir; I had a bad cold when I broke into that house, and had to sneeze; it awoke the gentleman; he caught me, and so I was brought here.” Doing the Honors Warden (to the prisoners):—“His Honor is going to visit the jail this afternoon! Prepare yourselves for it!” Rogue (to a fellow prisoner):—“Hans, you do the honors!” Needed His Tools Warden:—“Here is the money that is due you. I hope you will now find an honorable way of making a living.” Prisoner:—“Certainly, sir, you may depend on it.” Warden:—“Well, we shall see; you may go now! Why are you hesitating? Do you wish to say anything?” Prisoner (whose burglar kit had been taken from him when he was arrested):—“Might I ask your Honor for my tools?” Malicious Attorney (to the manager of a theatre on seeing the empty house):—“Why, my dear sir, is the public excluded to-day?” Taken Aback Attorney:—“I assure you, charming Fräulein, we lawyers advance very slowly. One is always waiting for the other’s death. Look, for instance, at that old judge over there. From year to year we have been waiting for the old codger to go off and make room for——”