“Oh, father, I am to make a fugue, and I do not know how to begin!” Now fugue, in German, means also the groove in a board. “You silly fellow, why couldn’t you ask me. Come right here and I’ll show you.” The good man took up a board, put his plane to it, and tried to show to his son how a fugue was made. CHAPTER VII _For and About Travelers, Tourists, and Summer Boarders_ At the Railway Station L:—“Ah, how do you do, my dear sir; where do you come from?” D:—“From Karlsbad.” L:—“Well, how did the waters agree with you?” D:—“Not very well. I was there six weeks and am still as stout as ever. Towards the last I drank fourteen cups of water a day, and still did not lose anything to speak of.” L:—“You should have gone to Wiesbaden. I was there only two days, didn’t drink anything, and yet lost everything.” Why He Curtained the Window Tourist (to hotelkeeper):—“Will you tell me why you curtained the window of my room from the outside?” Host:—“Excuse me, sir, but you wanted a cheap room, without a view; and as I had only this one with a view, but could not rent that at your price, we just put the curtain on the outside.” No Cause for Alarm Stranger (at a mountain tavern):—“Say, mine host, what is that dreadful rumbling noise above?” Host:—“Dear me, I suppose the tavern is going to tumble down; it’s very rickety. But that’s nothing. If it doesn’t kill us, we’ll build a new one next year, and will hope to see you and your friends.” Sticking to the Date Official (to conductor, who is hours behind with his train):—“What made you so late?” Conductor:—“We don’t run by hours and minutes, we just stick to the date!” A Tough Parrot A gentleman farmer, from Pomerania, visited Vienna. At a bird dealer’s, a talking parrot excited his greatest admiration. He paid two hundred gulden for him and had him sent home to his friend Gela. After his return he called on him and of course asked for the parrot. “Oh,” said his friend, “many thanks for your kind attention. He was a little tough, though.” “What? the parrot?” “Certainly, he had to be cooked for six hours.” “What? Did you cook that parrot?” “Why of course we did.” “Gela, you are a fool. That was a trained bird; he could talk.” “Well, why didn’t he say so?” Always Demonstrating Professor (on his wedding tour in the mountains):—“Don’t go too near that precipice, Elise, you might fall down.” Young wife (laughing):—“Oh no, I should take hold of that pine tree there.” Professor:—“That is a fir tree, my dear! Just see how careless you are! You would take hold of a pine tree and when you got there, there would not be one to hold onto!” Characteristics of European Capitals