Student:—“I drink too much! Why, mother, as a good son, I could not sleep without having drunk your health. Now the first glass is for the alma mater; the second, for the professors; the third, for science in general and my special study; the fourth, I must drink to father’s health, so it’s only the fifth that I can drain in your honor!” A New Treatment Professor:—“How do you treat the epidemic diseases prevalent at the present time?” Student:—“I treat them with the greatest contempt.” An Ambiguous Amendment While the cholera was raging at M——, the police issued an order that everybody who went home after ten o’clock at night, must do so without making any noise whatever, or pay a fine of five gulden. One night several students who had sat over their beer too long, went home late, singing lustily. The nightwatchman at once accosted them, and asked whether they had not read the order that everybody must go home without singing or making any other noise? “Of course we have read it,” said one of the students, drily, “but we are not going home.” This quick-witted answer confused the worthy watchman, and he let them go. Next day the following amendment was read under the order: “Nobody is permitted to sing or make any noise on the street at night, whether they are going home or not.” A Repetition by Request A student who had failed in his final examination at the University, returned home. At dinner his father asked how his examinations went. “So well, that at general request, I have to go all through them again shortly.” He Drank Beer Professor (examining a student):—“And how do you guard yourself against impure water?” Student:—“First, I boil it; secondly, I filter it!” Professor:—“And thirdly?” Student:—“I drink beer.” One Was Enough “You are engaged to be married to one of your fellow-students, Suffel?” “Oh, yes; one of us is sure to pass the examination, and that is enough.” Preferred Something Stronger Gentleman:—“Don’t you drink water?” Student:—“Never; I tried it once, and almost drowned.” Two Alike Among students. “What a spendthrift that Spund is! Day before yesterday was the ‘First,’ and when I wanted to borrow from him to-day, he hadn’t a pfennig.” Ridiculous Idea Father (to his son, an extravagant student):—“What? You want to start a coin collection? That looks to me about as funny as it would if our poodle started a sausage collection!” Double Dodging 1st Student:—“Where do you have your clothes made, Spund?” 2d Student:—“Meyer and Strauss.” 1st Student:—“I should never get a double firm to work for me. Instead of having to dodge only one creditor, you have to dodge two.” With Intent Student:—“Grandmother, you must have been a beautiful girl once!” Grandmother (taking her pocketbook from her pocket):—“How much do you want for your bout to-night, you rascal?” She Knew Students Student (renting a room):—“Shall I pay the rent in advance, Frau Muller?”