Landlady:—“No, never mind; I’ll save you the trouble of having to borrow it again from me.” Impossible Fräulein:—“... And you risked your life gathering those Alpine roses for me? Now just tell the truth, you bought them?” Student:—“Oh, but gracious Fräulein, how could I—at the end of the month?” Was Prepared Uncle (before examination):—“Are you prepared, Karl?” Student:—“Oh yes, for the worst.” Worse Than He First Thought Student (at a tavern hunting for his overcoat):—“My overcoat has been stolen! Well, the thing isn’t worth much. Luckily the tailor has not been paid yet, but there were fifty pfennigs in the pocket! It’s a perfect outrage!” CHAPTER XIV _Women and Children_ Different Ways of Wooing The Diplomat says:—“Oh, let us form an everlasting alliance.” The Soldier:—“You gave my heart an incurable wound; or ‘you came; I saw; you conquered.’” The Doctor:—“Only you can cure my suffering heart.” The Florist:—“Just one word from your lips and our path through life shall be strewn with roses.” The Builder:—“Let us plan our cottage together.” The Sailor:—“Loveliest maiden, united to you, I could brave all the storms of life.” The Jeweler:—“This single band shall form a golden chain.” The Scientist:—“Ah, let me explore your heart and read my happiness in your eyes.” The Sculptor:—“If your heart is not of marble, let my image dwell therein.” The Baker:—“Will you share my bread in joy and sorrow?” The Candlemaker:—“You shall be the light of my life.” A Pretty Compliment Lady:—“The gentleman will surely buy this small bouquet!” Gentleman:—“Certainly, madam, how much is it?” Lady:—“Suppose we say twenty marks?” Gentleman:—“Madam, that is too dear for me!” Lady (pressing a kiss on the flowers):—“And now, sir?” Gentleman (turning away):—“Now it is altogether beyond my means.” A Habit of His “My lady, there is a gentleman down-stairs, who wishes to see you!” “Did he not give you his name?” “No; he said it was not necessary.” “You do not know him?” “No; he pinched my arms and cheeks.” “Oh, that is my brother Gustave.” Tender-hearted Young Housewife:—“Why Nanny, how can you be so heartless as to throw those poor lobsters at once into boiling water? They ought to be put on in fresh water so they could get used to the heat by degrees!” When the Tide Comes In He:—“I am going to take a bottle of sea-water home with me as a souvenir from Norderney!” She:—“But don’t fill it quite full, or it will burst on us when the tide comes in.” Malady to Suit the Place “So that is why you are in the dumps, my dear; you want to go to Wiesbaden, and are ordered to Ems. Don’t be offended, but if ever I pay a yearly salary to my family physician, and should want to go to a certain watering place, I would see that he found the proper malady for it.” He Knew Father:—“Karl, the stork brought you a little brother last night.” Karl:—“I know it.” Father:—“How’s that?”