Karl:—“I heard you say to the stork as he flew away, ‘Won’t you take an umbrella; it is raining very hard.’” A Protection Lady:—“Were you not afraid to travel with your wife through the Abruzzen?” Gentleman:—“Oh no! my mother-in-law always sat with the driver.” Would Change His Mind “I assure you, my friend, my son is dead in love with that actress. He has told me repeatedly that he could not live without her.” “Well, then let him marry her, and he will soon learn to!” Retaliation A farmer had worked all day in the field in storm and rain, and in the evening, came home very tired, and wet to the skin. At the door, his dear wife who had been in the house all day met him, and said: “Dear husband, it has been raining so hard that I could not fetch any water, and so was not able to cook a soup for you. Since you are so wet, fetch a couple of pails; you can’t get any wetter.” There was no disputing this fact, so the man took the pails and went to the distant pump. When he returned to the house, his wife sat cozily by the fire; so he took one pail after the other, poured the water over his wife and said: “Now you are just as wet as I am, and you can fetch the water yourself. You can’t get any wetter.” Suited the Case Sophie (to her elderly maiden aunt):—“Auntie, is not ‘to leave’ conjugated: I leave, I left, I have been left?” A Worthy Setting Women are the pearls of creation, and, as such, expect to be set in gold. Women’s Rights Since the fair sex has been talking so much about women’s rights, there are fewer of the “right women” on earth. Depends on the Age When the suitor appears, the belle of seventeen asks: “Who is he?”—of twenty-five: “What is he?”—and after ten years more: “Where is he?” Extract From a Love-Letter “Beloved Anton! I waited in the rain for you to-day at the corner. I hope you have been ill. Shall come again to-morrow. Your true Anna.” Economical Unhappiness Wife:—“I don’t know what is the matter with our Clara; she does not wish to go to the balls; she is indifferent to dress; the theatre no longer gives her pleasure; and now she even refuses to go to a watering-place for the summer. The girl must love unhappily.” Husband:—“Good gracious! how economical! Sarah, could not you love me unhappily for once?” Not What He Expected Admirer:—“It gives me the most exquisite pleasure to hear you say that you discover daily how much I am like your sainted husband. Might I ask in what I resemble him?” Young widow:—“You have all his bad habits.” To Please Him Husband:—“You are lovely in this dress, that is true, but—the money!” Wife:—“That does not count, when the object is to please you!” Must Scream Gentleman:—“But, ladies, this loud talking during the concert is abominable!” Lady:—“I fully agree with you. One must actually scream, to make oneself understood.” The Newest “You wish a New Testament, madam?” “Yes, but, please, the very newest.” Painted Angels