Mother:—“My daughter does not please you?” Gentleman:—“To tell the truth, I do not care for paintings.” Mother:—“Pardon me, but did you ever see an angel, other than painted?” No Economy Necessary Cook:—“Miss Helene, please, shall I put a pinch of paprika into the chicken-stew?” Miss Helene (just back from boarding-school):—“Why, Anna, you do not have to be so economical here; put a good big tablespoonful into it.” Ignorant Professor Lady:—“Do tell me, Professor, why we are called the fair sex?” Professor:—“Well, I am sure I don’t know either.” The Flirt “... Oh, who dares to deny it! She knows how to chain the men! And yet—caprice of nature—she never can chain one man!” The Convenient Grandmother Young Lady:—“Can I get a guide to write love-letters here?” Clerk:—“For yourself?” Young Lady (embarrassed):—“For myself?—oh, no! for—my—grandmother!” Sharpening His Teeth A housemaid was ordered to go to a guest’s room to tell him that dinner was ready. She found him standing before the looking-glass, tooth-brush in hand, cleaning his teeth. She gave her message, and on returning to her mistress, said, “The gentleman will come at once; he is just sharpening his teeth.” Butter, Then Cheese A butter-dealer and a cheese-monger were to be godmothers at a christening. At church the latter pushed herself into the place of honor, next to the mother. But the butter-dealer stepped in front of her saying, “Butter comes before cheese.” Thoroughly Washed Young wife (fresh from boarding-school):—“Oh, Kathi, what are you doing? That fish does not need washing! Why he has been in water all his life.” Forethought To a Banker. “Why do you let your daughter marry your cashier?” “Precaution, my dear sir; if he ever runs away with the bank’s money, my daughter will, in all probability, get some of it.” To Suit Her Mourning At a Ball. “May I ask for the first waltz?” “Certainly—but please, Doctor, dance a little slower; I am still in mourning.” Inhospitality Lady:—“But John, my guests drank only three bottles of champagne yesterday, and here are four missing.” John:—“Did they drink only three? Well, I didn’t count them,—I don’t think it is nice to watch one’s guests.” Too Literal Intended Husband:—“You know, Bertha, I would go to the end of the world for you!” Fiancée:—“Then, please, stay a few days longer with us.” Intended Husband:—“Why, my dear Bertha, I should lose my return ticket!” A Fatal Mistake Doctor’s Wife:—“Why, my dear husband, what are you so dreadfully excited about?” Doctor:—“Just think of it! By mistake I signed my name under the question, ‘Cause of death,’ in a death certificate!” Her Faulty Geography