Husband:—“I wish you would tell why you women are forever dressing up and have to have such a lot of new clothes all the time; do you think such extravagance pleases the men?” Wife:—“Oh, we don’t care to please the men; we want to make the other women jealous!” Depends on the Kind Little Fritz (to the cook):—“Anna, how do you spell ‘sauce’?” Cook:—“Sauce? Well, you see, Fritz, there are so many different kinds of sauce!” A Question of Likes Gentleman:—“Mein Fräulein, do you like sauerkraut?” Fräulein:—“Why, what a queer question to ask me!” Gentleman:—“Well, you see, I love the little sausages that go with it, so if you liked sauerkraut, we should match beautifully.” Thought for the Future Professor:—“Well, dear Elise, after passing such a brilliant examination, I suppose you will settle down at once to practice law?” Student:—“Oh, no, I am going to enter the government service; else my future husband would not receive a—pension.” Conclusive Evidence A little girl was heard holding the following monologue: “Did God really make the whole world? I couldn’t do it. It must have been dreadfully hard. But I know one thing He didn’t make, this washrag of my doll’s; I knitted that myself, the dear Lord can’t knit.” Misery Loves Company Little Carl had been scolded a good many times for dropping and breaking things. One day his mother happened to drop and break a cup. “Why, mother, now you are a naughty boy, too!” exclaimed the little one. Uncle and the Donkey There is nothing like a jolly and good-natured uncle in a family. What fun the children have with him! Just now they are all hanging around him waiting for what is coming next. “Now, young gentleman,” he says to the oldest, “I am going to give you a riddle. It is gray, has rather large ears, and you can ride on it; what is it?” “Why uncle, that is you,” cries the youngest, joyfully. The Unsuccessful Ruse Little Anna was ill in bed, and could not be induced to take her pill. Her clever mamma hid it in a preserved pear and gave her that. After a while she asked: “Well, my darling, have you eaten your pear?” “Oh, yes, mamma,” answered the little one, “all but the pit.” An Ancient Fowl Elsie (who, with her mamma, is dining off a very tough chicken at a railway station):—“Mamma, don’t you think this chicken must have been hatched from a hard boiled egg?” A Classical Maid Lady:—“Has the Baron not been here yet to-day?” Maid:—“Everything has been here once,” says Lessing, “but—the Baron has not been here yet.” From the Diary of a Singer Monday:—“Aïda.” Starved with my lover in the prison cell. Tuesday:—Sang “Gilda” in “Rigoletto.” Was murdered and dragged from the stage in a bag. Wednesday:—In “Traviata” I sang “Violetta,” and coughed virtuos-tuberculos, my life away. Thursday:—As “Selika” (in l’Africaine) died from the poisonous odor of the Manzanillen tree. Friday:—Sang the “Jewess,” and as a _finale_ was thrown into a kettle of boiling oil.