6. Read something besides the death and birth-notices in the paper; it will surprise him occasionally, that he can talk about current events and politics at home, without having to go to the tavern for it. 7. Always, even when quarreling, be polite to him. Remember that you looked up to him before marriage; don’t look down on him now. 8. At appropriate intervals permit him to know more than you do; it will preserve his dignity, and it will be to your advantage to acknowledge, now and then, that you are not infallible. 9. Be your husband’s friend, if he is clever; if he is not, try to elevate him to be yours; never descend to his level. 10. Respect your husband’s relatives, particularly his mother; she has loved him longer than you have! Tempi Passati “I count on your taking part in our charity-concert, Doctor. I have often had occasion to admire your beautiful voice.” “I regret exceedingly, sir, but since I have been married I have no longer a voice.” Forgot His Name Professor Schnudlich (to letter-carrier):—“Any letters for me?” Letter-carrier:—“What is your name?” Professor:—“My—my—well now, I can’t think of my own name! I am always forgetting something! And my wife, Frau Professor Schnudlich, is away too. She could tell it to you instantly.” The Lion’s Share “How starved this lion looks, and yet the city allows a lot of money for their food!” “Well, I suppose the keeper takes the lion’s share.” A Pious Wish Lieutenant:—“Then you refuse me your daughter’s hand, sir? Ah, would that my grief might soften your heart!” Banker:—“I am sorry, sir, but in this instance I don’t follow my heart, but my brain.” Lieutenant:—“And may I not hope for a softening of the brain?” The End in Sight A tradesman punished his erring apprentice, saying, at the same time, “How much longer are you going to serve the evil one?” The boy replied, “You ought to know best, master; I believe my time is up in four months.” Flattering Likeness One beautiful summer afternoon, Herr Fraulich decided to take his family for a drive on the Prater in Vienna. After spending two hours over her toilet his wife appeared at last, leading their little son. “Oh Kathi,” cried the husband, when he saw them, “how could you dress the child up like that! He looks simply crazy! I am not going to take you out this way. I don’t want people to think that I am parading a monkey.” On this there was an exchange of sharp words, but finally the husband gave in and they set out. But on the stairs, Herr Fraulich, to spoil his wife’s triumph, said, “You may say just what you like, I stick to it—Franz looks just like a monkey.” At the house-door they met a friend. She greeted them, kissed little Franz, and remarked: “What an angel of a child your Franz is—the very image of his father!” The Stove Smoked Servant:—“I am glad you like the room, sir. I hope you don’t mind smoke!” Gentleman:—“Oh no, I smoke a great deal myself.”