Servant:—“That’s good; the stove here does too.” A Novelty Dude:—“Pshaw! Life is stale! I believe I’ll kill myself some day. But how?” “Have a thought shoot through your head for once.” A Wonderful Cure A gentleman who had trouble with his eyes went to an oculist to have them examined. The physician took the eye out, put it on the table, and examined the socket. When he turned around he was horrified to see the cat in the act of swallowing the eye. He grabbed her, carried her outside, took out one of her eyes, and returning to the consulting room, replaced the gentleman’s with the cat’s eye, and told him to come back in a week. When the patient returned the oculist asked him if he could see. “Oh, yes,” he answered; “I can see by day as well as by night.” “Do you sleep well?” “So, so! One of the eyes sleeps soundly, but it’s strange, the other seems to be constantly on the lookout for mice.” No Apology Necessary A missionary was invited to a dinner at which the daughters of the house appeared in low-neck dresses. The host thought it necessary to apologize for the fashion. “Oh,” said the missionary, “I don’t mind it at all. I ought to be used to it, having spent ten years among the aborigines.” More Reliable Wife:—“I believe you love your pipe better than you do me!” Husband:—“Well, that doesn’t go out as much as you do!” Easily Explained Son:—“Is it true, father, that there are people living on the moon?” Father (not wishing to betray his ignorance):—“Certainly, son.” Son:—“But what becomes of the people when the moon wanes?” Father:—“They wane too.” A Karlsbad Scheme “What doctor have you, Rosenthal?” “What doctor? My neighbor in the next room has a doctor. When he comes to see him, I listen at the door, and whatever he orders, I do. What need have I, then, to spend a lot of good money on a doctor?” A Good Financier “Will you tell me, my dear friend, how you manage, that you are never pressed for money, but always have plenty of it?” “That is very simple; I never pay old debts.” “But how about the new ones?” “I let them grow old.” Why Eve Had no Servant “There is a great deal of talk about women’s faults, and the reasons why they need so much waiting upon. The question has even been asked—by a man of course,—why the dear Lord, in making Eve, from one of Adam’s ribs, did not make a servant for her at the same time. “We are able to answer this question satisfactorily. She simply did not need a servant. “And why not? Because Adam never came to Eve, lamenting over a pair of torn socks, asking her to darn them, or with a shirt that had parted company with its buttons, or with a pair of ripped gloves that wanted mending at once. Neither did he walk around in the mud smoking cigars and then come back with boots that needed blacking. “Neither did he sit yawning behind a newspaper, and, as soon as the sun went down, ask gruffly: ‘Will supper be ready soon?’