“Instead of this, Adam lit the fire himself, put the kettle on, pulled the radishes, pared the potatoes, and, in general, did his duty. He was satisfied with one dish, and did not grumble, if Eve did happen to make a mess of it for once. They didn’t bother with serviettes, they used a palmleaf. He didn’t put a boiled shirt in the wash every day. He milked the cows and fed the chickens. He never brought half a dozen friends to dinner, when one was not in the least prepared for them. He did not stay out late at night playing cards; it was not necessary for Eve to sit up and worry. He didn’t lounge around saloons, while Eve sat at home rocking little Cain. He never scolded and looked for his slippers in the corner where ‘he knew’ he had put them. When he took off his boots, he put them in their place under the fig-tree. “In short—he did not think that Eve had been created for the sole purpose of waiting upon him; he did not harbor the fixed idea, that it was degrading to a man to lighten his wife’s burdens. These are the reasons, gentlemen, why Eve had no need of a servant.” Would Suit Exactly A vivacious woman, who was talking to a statesman about the Woman’s Rights question, suddenly asked: “What position would you give me if women filled government positions as well as the men?” “I would give you the management of a deaf and dumb asylum.” “And why?” “Because those unfortunates would either have to learn to talk or you would have to learn to keep silent.” Reason Reason is the only thing we can lose without ever having possessed it. There Would Be No Use Gentleman:—“Don’t you love Heine?” Old Maid:—“Why should I? The man is dead!” Good Advice “Waiter, close those windows; there is a draught, and I am suffering with rheumatism. I can’t have the door open, either, or my feet get cold, and don’t you go and wipe those tables, you’ll raise a dust and I have a cough! My tea must not be strong either, as I am nervous.” “If I were you, I would go to a hospital and be put in an incubator.” Appropriate to Men Gentleman:—“At fifty we may call the ladies ‘old women,’ may we not, gracious lady?” Lady:—“Certainly, and many men much sooner.” A Distinction Some one says of the residents of Munich: “When they rise in the morning they are beer barrels, and when they retire at night they are barrels of beer.” Cheap Communication Father (to his son going on a long journey):—“Benjamin, when you arrive at Krotoschin, you needn’t waste any paper writing a letter. I’ll give you a stamped envelope addressed to me; you just mail that, and I’ll know that you arrived safely.” Son:—“Father, you can save the postage. I’ll mail it without the stamp, and you just refuse to take it.” Objected to Her Mother Mother:—“I wish you would tell me, Franz, why you don’t want to marry Fräulein Neumann. I tell you, the girl is a pearl.” Son:—“That is quite possible, but I don’t like the mother-of-pearl.” His Confession