A thief while at confession, stole the confessor’s watch. “I have stolen,” declared the thief. “Then you must give the stolen article back to its owner,” said the priest. “I will give it to you.” “No, I don’t want it.” “But if the owner won’t take it,” asked the thief, “what shall I do then?” “Then, in God’s name, keep it,” answered the unsuspecting priest. A la Munchausen A:—“Look, on the weather-vane of that church-tower sits a fly.” B:—“Yes, I see him, and what’s more, he is yawning just now, and has a hollow tooth in his mouth.” He Found Them Three wags met an old Jew. “Good-morning, Father Abraham!” cried the first. “Good-morning, Father Isaac!” the second. “Good-morning, Father Jacob!” the third. “You are mistaken, gentlemen,” said the Jew; “I am neither Abraham, nor Isaac, nor Jacob; I am Saul, who went to look for his father’s asses, and I’ve found them, I’ve found them!” A Horse-thief’s Excuse “You villain,” said the judge to the horse-thief, just brought before him, “how did you dare to steal a horse from the street, in the middle of the day?” “I steal a horse?” returned the thief. “Let me tell your Honor, that in a very narrow street a horse stood right in my way. I was in a hurry, and wanted to drive him on in front of me when a voice cried, ‘Take care, that horse kicks!’ Then I tried to push past him, and go my way, when somebody called out, ‘Hold on, that beast bites!’ Now what else could I do, if I did not want to be bitten, but to jump on him as quickly as I could? And I had hardly touched the saddle when the impatient horse takes the bit between his teeth and runs. He took me fourteen miles, and that is how I came to be here, your Honor. Now did I steal that horse, or did that horse steal me?” The Henpecked Husband Doctor (to a patient whose wife died six months before):—“You may live a good many years yet, if you are careful.” Patient:—“That’s all right, Doctor, but just think of the reception my sainted wife will give me if I keep her waiting so long.” Without Charm “Well, Louise, as the wife of such a promising physician, you must lead a charming life!” “Oh, yes! a very charming life, to sit all day long, muffled up to my eyes, in the waiting room, making believe I’m a patient!” The Janus Statue at Munich “Oh say, I like this statue!” “So do I; just think of having two throats, and to be permitted to carry the door-key!” Conscientious “Sarah,” said Moritz one morning to his wife, “Sarah, offer me one hundred and fifty marks for my hops!” Sarah:—“Well, I offer you one hundred and fifty marks for your hops.” Moritz then went to the hop market where a dealer offered him one hundred marks for his crop. “What,” cries Moritz, indignantly, “one hundred marks! May the lightning strike me, if I haven’t already been offered to-day one hundred and fifty marks.” In the Laundry Neighbor:—“What in the world is your husband doing in the laundry all morning?”