“Well, how is your flying-machine progressing?” “I am sorry to say, it fell into the ocean.” “And how far along are you with your submarine boat?” “That flew up into the air!” Another Consideration “You must get an automobile, Rudolph!” “Well, I might get one on credit—but how about the benzine?” Each Had Its History A woman lawyer, showing her dresses, said, “In this dress, my dear friends, I defended the infamous murderer, Muller; in this, the well-known burglar, Schlosser; in this, the clever green-goods man, Shlapinski; and in this, I represented the Countess Flirtinski, in her divorce suit.” Change of Disposition A:—“The young Baron seems a very harmless sort of fellow.” B:—“Not any more—he bought an automobile yesterday.” Taking Man’s Place Professor:—“My wife tells me that Fräulein Melanie is fairly in love with her automobile! Another instance of man being replaced by a machine!” Adding Insult to Injury Dealer (who has just been knocked down by an auto):—“What do you think of that Baron! First, he borrows my benzine, and then he runs over me with his automobile!” It Could Accomplish Much Automobile Dealer:—“I can recommend this motor of twelve horsepower; with it you can run over the largest furniture van with ease.” Ill-Luck “Why was your marriage put off?” “Because when we autoed to be wedded, we ran over the magistrate who was to tie the knot.” Modern Alternative “Papa, now let me tell you; either you buy me an auto, or I’ll use you as the comic character in my new novel.” The Lesser Danger Brakeman (to couple walking on the ties):—“Don’t you know that it is not only forbidden, but very dangerous, to walk on the ties?” “Yes, but not nearly so dangerous as on the highway with all those red devils running about.” Extended Payments “Automobile all right—well built!—How much?” “Seven thousand, five hundred marks.” “Yearly payments?” “Yes, sir.” “Good! I’ll take the auto with me! I’ll pay one hundred marks per annum. My father and grandfather both lived to be over seventy!” Much in Demand “Johann, has my husband returned from his auto ride?” “No, gracious lady, and the third policeman has just been here, asking for him.” A Modern Dowry Father (to his daughter’s fiancée):—“Besides the necessary outfit, we can give our daughter only an automobile, a piano, and a camera!” A Polite Gentleman “How did you come to buy an auto?” “Well, it happened this way. I wanted to get some delicatessen for supper, but made a mistake in the shop door and got into an automobile place, and as I didn’t want to be so impolite and go off without buying something, I just took an auto.” An Obedient Patient She:—“What does this mean? You just consulted the doctor about your catarrh and here you sit and drink beer all day long!” He (smiling cunningly):—“Well, you see the doctor forbid my smoking dry.” A Bad Position “If the Baron has so many debts, why doesn’t he find a wealthy wife?”