My little dears, who learn to read, pray early learn to shun That very silly thing indeed which people call a pun. Read Entick’s rules, and ’twill be found how simple an offence It is to make the self-same sound afford a double sense. For instance, _ale_ may make you _ail_, your _aunt_ an _ant_ may kill, You in a _vale_ may buy a _vail_, and _Bill_ may pay the _bill_, Or if to France your bark you steer, at Dover it may be, A _peer_ _appears_ upon the _pier_, who, blind, still goes to _sea_. Thus one might say when to a treat good friends accept our greeting, ’Tis _meet_ that men who _meet_ to eat, should eat their _meat_ when _meeting_. Brawn on the board’s no _bore_ indeed, although from _boar_ prepared; Nor can the _fowl_ on which we feed _foul_ feeding be declared. Thus _one_ ripe fruit may be a _pear_, and yet be _pared_ again, And still be _one_, which seemeth rare, until we do explain. It therefore should be all your aim to speak with ample care; For who, however fond of _game_, would choose to swallow _hair_? A fat man’s _gait_ may make us smile, who has no _gate_ to close; The farmer sitting on his _stile_ no _stylish_ person knows; Perfumers men of _scents_ must be; some Scilly men are bright; A _brown_ man oft _deep read_ we see—a _black_ a wicked _wight_. Most wealthy men good manners have, however vulgar they, And actors still the harder _slave_ the oftener they _play_; So poets can’t the _baize_ obtain unless their tailors choose, While grooms and coachmen not in vain each evening seek the _mews_. The _dyer_ who by dying _lives_, a _dire_ life maintains; The glazier, it is known, receives his _profits_ from his _panes_; By gardeners _thyme_ is _tied_, ’tis true, when Spring is in its prime, But _time_ or _tide_ won’t wait for you, if you are _tied_ for _time_. There now you see, my little dears, the way to make a pun; A trick which you, through coming years, should sedulously shun. The fault admits of no defense, for wheresoe’er ’tis found, You sacrifice the _sound_ for _sense_, the _sense_ is never _sound_. So let your words and actions too, one single meaning prove, And, just in all you say or do, you’ll gain esteem and love: In mirth and play no harm you’ll know, when duty’s task is done; But parents ne’er should let you go un_pun_ished for a _pun_. The motto of the Pilotage Commission of the river Tyne:— In portu salus. In port you sail us. SONNET _On a youth who died from a surfeit of fruit._