Graham's Magazine, Vol. XXXV, No. 3, September 1849 — John Shaqi
Graham's Magazine, Vol. XXXV, No. 3, September 1849Various
General
Graham's Magazine, Vol. XXXV, No. 3, September 1849
Various
Literature -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
“Yes, Durzil,” she said, very sweetly, but very sorrowfully, “you have
grieved me, you have pained me, very, very deeply; but oh, do not
imagine that you have offended—that you could offend me. No; you have
torn away too suddenly, too roughly, the veil that covered my eyes and
my heart. You have awakened thoughts, and feelings, and perceptions in
my soul, of whose existence I never dreamed before. You have made me
know myself as it were, better within the last few minutes than I ever
knew myself before. It seems to me, that I have lived longer and felt
more, since we have sat here together, than in all the years I can count
before. And, oh, my heart! my heart! I am most unhappy.”
“You cannot love me, then, Theresa,” he said, tranquilly; for he had
vast self-control, and he was too much of a man to suffer his own
agitation or distress to agitate or distress her further. “You cannot
love me as I would be loved by you—you cannot be mine.”
“Durzil,” she said, in tones full of the deepest emotion, “until the
moment in which you spoke to me, I never thought of love, I never
dreamed or imagined to myself what it should be, other than the love I
bear to my father, to you, to all that is kind, and good, and beautiful
in humanity or in nature. But your words, I know not how nor wherefore,
have awakened me, as it were, into a strange sort of knowledge. I do
_not_ love, I almost hope that I never may love, as you would wish me to
love you; but I do feel _now_ that I know what such love should be; and
I tremble at the knowledge. I feel that it would be too strong, too full
of fear, of anxiety, of agony, to allow of happiness. Oh, no, no!
Durzil, do not ask me, do not wish me to love you so; pray, rather pray
for me to God rather, that I may never love at all—for so surely as I
do love, I know that I shall be a wretched, wretched woman!”
That was a strange scene, and it passed between a strange pair. Great
influences had been at work in the minds of both within the last few
hours, and it would have been very difficult to say in which the
greatest change had been wrought.
In her, the tranquil, innocent, unconscious girl had been aroused into
the powerful, passionate, thoughtful woman. A knowledge of that whereof
she had been most ignorant before “her glassy essence” had awakened her,
as the breeze awakens the lake from repose into power.
In him, the violent, hot-headed, stubborn, and impetuous man of action
had been tamed down by a conversion almost as sudden and convincing into
the slow, self-controlled, self-denying man of counsel. As the discovery
of power had aroused her into life, so had the discovery of long
cherished, long injurious error, tamed him into tranquillity.
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