Graham's Magazine, Vol. XXXV, No. 3, September 1849Various
General
Graham's Magazine, Vol. XXXV, No. 3, September 1849
Various
Literature -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
One day ago he would have raved furiously, or brooded sullenly and
darkly over her words. Now, even with the fit of passion all puissant
over him, with the wild heat of love burning within his breast, with the
keen sense of disappointment wringing him, he had yet force of temper to
control himself, nay, more, he had force of mind enough to see and
apprehend, that _this_ Theresa, was no longer the Theresa whom he loved;
and that, although he still adored her, it was impossible either for him
to meet the aspirations of her glowing and inspired genius, or for her
to be to him what he had dreamed of, the tranquillizing, soothing spirit
which should pour balm upon his wounded, restless, irritable
feelings—the wife, whose first, best gift to him should be repose and
tranquillity of soul.
He pressed her hand tenderly, and said, as he might have done to a dear
sister,
“I have been to blame, Theresa. I have given you pain, rashly, but not
wantonly. Forgive me, for you are the last person in the world to whom I
would give even a moment’s uneasiness. I did not suspect this, dear
little girl. I did not dream that you were so nervous, or moved so
easily; but you must not yield to such feelings—such impulses, for it
is only by yielding to them that they will gain power over you, and make
you, indeed, an unhappy woman. You shall see, Theresa, how patiently I
will bear my disappointment—for that it is a disappointment, and a very
bitter one, I shall not deny—and how I will be happy in spite of it,
and all for love of you. And in return, Theresa, if you love poor
Durzil, as you say you do, as your true friend and your brother, you
will control these foolish fancies of your little head, which you
imagine to be feelings of your heart, and I shall one day, I doubt not,
have the pleasure of seeing you not only a very happy woman, but a very
happy wife.”
“Oh, you are good, Durzil,” she said, tearfully and gently. “Oh, you are
very good and noble. Why—why cannot I—” and she interrupted herself
suddenly, and covering her eyes with both her hands, wept silently and
softly for several minutes. And he spoke not to her the while, nor even
sought to soothe, for he well knew that tears were the best solace to an
over-wrought over-excited spirit.
After a little while, as he expected, she recovered herself altogether,
and looking up in his face with a wan and watery smile.
“You are not hurt, you are not wounded by what I have done,” she said,
“dear Durzil. You do not fancy that I do not perceive, do not feel, and
esteem, and love all your great, and good, and generous, and noble
qualities. I am a foolish, weak little girl—I am not worthy of you; I
could not, I know I could not make you happy, even if I could—if I
could—if—you know what I would say, Durzil.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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