Grandma Perkins and the Space PiratesMcConnell, James V.
Science
Grandma Perkins and the Space Pirates
McConnell, James V.
Older women -- Fiction; Science fiction; Space pirates -- Fiction; Space ships -- Fiction
Grandma, the morose Captain and the _Kismet's_ legal officer finally
straightened matters out. In return for the granting of her every
whim for the rest of the voyage, Grandma agreed to return to the ship
and free Stellar Transportation from any liability arising from her
kidnapping. She was almost glowing over it all, but it was a beaten and
broken Fogarty who finally broke the video circuit some minutes later.
Turning to the crew of the _Dirty Shame_, Grandma smiled with great
innocence. "Now, wasn't it nice of them to go to all that trouble over
a little old lady like me," she said.
Lamps grinned. "You sure fixed them, Grandma. But what a pack of
trouble you got us into with the law. What are we going to do with
Trumble and the _Faultless_ out there? The Space Patrol will chase us
the rest of our lives for pulling a fast one like this."
Grandma snapped her fingers. "I knew there was something I had
forgotten." She turned back to the video set. "Hello, Commodore
Trumble," she called.
"Well, I hope you're satisfied," came the booming voice of the
Commodore.
"No, not quite. There's a small matter of amnesty for the crew of the
_Dirty Shame_. If you'll just make out the papers giving them a full
pardon for this whole affair, everything will be just fine."
Grandma winced at the language he used in reply. On the tail of the
last string of curses, he added, "I won't do it. What do you think I
am, an idiot?"
"We won't discuss the subject just at the moment, Commodore. But,
really, you wouldn't want the story to get out that the big, brave,
fearless Commodore Trumble got himself out-foxed by a poor little
innocent old lady like me, would you? Silence comes dear, as my husband
used to say to me."
"I--I--"
"And I see that the boys here have got that gun pointed in your
direction again. The Space Patrol wouldn't be too happy if you brought
the _Faultless_ back with a few big holes in her sides, would they. And
I don't know if I can stop the boys--"
The Commodore turned green, then purple, then a trifle black in
the face. "I can't do it. It--it isn't legal. I--I haven't got the
authority."
Grandma silenced him with a wave of her hand. "Of course you have. In
the case of the Space Patrol vs. Pickens and Poof, the Solar Supreme
Court ruled that Patrol Commodores, while in space, have the power
to grant complete amnesty to any deserving citizens who merit it. I
didn't put my eldest son Wade through law school without learning
something about the subject. Furthermore, in the case of Higgins vs.
Abercrombie--"
"All right. I give up. You win." The Commodore retired from the video
screen, tears in his eyes.
A few hours later the _Dirty Shame_ hove into sight of the _Kismet_.
Grandma Perkins put on her space suit again and prepared to head back
to the luxury liner, but not before she and her boys had had a small
celebration, the high spot of which was another batch of fresh-baked
biscuits.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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