Grandma Perkins and the Space PiratesMcConnell, James V.
Science
Grandma Perkins and the Space Pirates
McConnell, James V.
Older women -- Fiction; Science fiction; Space pirates -- Fiction; Space ships -- Fiction
Grandma then told them all good-bye and insisted on kissing each
of them on their cheeks in spite of the beards. She then explained
that she hated to go off and leave them like this, but that she had
a contract to live up to and that she always kept her bargains. But
anyway they had their pardons now and they probably wouldn't need
her--much.
And it must be reported that as the tiny little figure, safe in the
over-sized space suit, drifted across the void that separated the two
ships, more than one of the grizzled crew turned aside to wipe his eyes
on a dirty sleeve.
IV
It is doubtful that anyone ever enjoyed a trip on the _Kismet_ as
much as Grandma Perkins did hers. Johnny waited on her hand and foot,
she was served first at the table and she kept up a running flow of
brilliant conversation. And if Captain Fogarty seemed to enjoy his
meals less the latter part of the voyage than he had the first part,
only the more malicious of the passengers dared to connect his loss of
appetite with his new-found guest of honor.
All in all the rest of the trip was a fairly uneventful one for
Grandma, save for one small incident the first night she was back on
board ship. Luxuriating in her large, comfortable mother-of-pearl bed,
Grandma heard a soft knocking at her door.
"Come in," she called in a small voice.
The door opened and in stalked Darling Toujours, a suitcase under her
arms.
"I've come to take my cabin back, Mrs. Perkins," she said, a mean look
in her eyes. "The only vacant one was the little hole in the wall they
had you in the first part of the voyage, and I must say it isn't fit
for a dog."
"Oh, I think you'll get used to it then," cood Grandma.
"Well, I don't intend to be the one to do the getting used to it,"
snarled the actress. "You see, my dear woman, I didn't say anything
about this until you were safely on board again and we could start
back for Earth, because I can't afford to be late for making my next
picture."
Grandma looked a little surprised. "Say anything about what?"
"About how I was in the passageway and saw you get into that space suit
and let yourself out the airlock, Mrs. Perkins. I don't believe that
constitutes being forced to leave against your will. Therefore, STAR
doesn't owe you a thing more than your passage, if that, and I want my
suite back." The actress smiled triumphantly.
"But, Miss Toujours, surely no one would believe such a fantastic story
like that."
Darling Toujours began to purr softly. "Captain Fogarty would. And now,
my dear, if you'll just leave, I won't have to have you put out. And
you can just take off my nice lace nightie to begin with!"
"Oh, my," said Grandma, sighing deeply but making no sign of moving.
"And I was so hoping that I wouldn't have to say anything about all
that business and cause you so much trouble."
Darling Toujours looked startled. Then a distrustful look came into her
eyes. "What are you talking about?" she demanded suspiciously.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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