PATIOMKIN. In half an hour it will be too late for the petit lever. Come along. Damn it, man, I must oblige the British ambassador, and the French ambassador, and old Fritz, and Monsieur Voltaire and the rest of them. [He shouts rudely to the door.] Varinka! [To Edstaston, with tears in his voice.] Varinka shall persuade you: nobody can refuse Varinka anything. My niece. A treasure, I assure you. Beautiful! devoted! fascinating! [Shouting again.] Varinka, where the devil are you? VARINKA [returning]. I'll not be shouted for. You have the voice of a bear, and the manners of a tinker. PATIOMKIN. Tsh-sh-sh. Little angel Mother: you must behave yourself before the English captain. [He takes off his dressing-gown and throws it over the papers and the breakfasts: picks up his coat: and disappears behind the screen to complete his toilette.] EDSTASTON. Madam! [He bows.] VARINKA [courtseying]. Monsieur le Capitaine! EDSTASTON. I must apologize for the disturbance I made, madam. PATIOMKIN [behind the screen]. You must not call her madam. You must call her Little Mother, and beautiful darling. EDSTASTON. My respect for the lady will not permit it. VARINKA. Respect! How can you respect the niece of a savage? EDSTASTON [deprecatingly]. Oh, madam! VARINKA. Heaven is my witness, Little English Father, we need someone who is not afraid of him. He is so strong! I hope you will throw him down on the floor many, many, many times. PATIOMKIN [behind the screen]. Varinka! VARINKA. Yes? PATIOMKIN. Go and look through the keyhole of the Imperial bed-chamber; and bring me word whether the Empress is awake yet. VARINKA. Fi donc! I do not look through keyholes. PATIOMKIN [emerging, having arranged his shirt and put on his diamonded coat]. You have been badly brought up, little darling. Would any lady or gentleman walk unannounced into a room without first looking through the keyhole? [Taking his sword from the table and putting it on.] The great thing in life is to be simple; and the perfectly simple thing is to look through keyholes. Another epigram: the fifth this morning! Where is my fool of a chancellor? Where is Popof? EDSTASTON [choking with suppressed laughter]!!!! PATIOMKIN [gratified]. Darling, you appreciate my epigram. EDSTASTON. Excuse me. Pop off! Ha! ha! I can't help laughing: What's his real name, by the way, in case I meet him? VARINKA [surprised]. His real name? Popof, of course. Why do you laugh, Little Father? EDSTASTON. How can anyone with a sense of humor help laughing? Pop off! [He is convulsed.] VARINKA [looking at her uncle, taps her forehead significantly]!! PATIOMKIN [aside to Varinka]. No: only English. He will amuse Catherine. [To Edstaston.] Come, you shall tell the joke to the Empress: she is by way of being a humorist [he takes him by the arm, and leads him towards the door]. EDSTASTON [resisting]. No, really. I am not fit-- PATIOMKIN. Persuade him, Little angel Mother.