But while the General Public grew daily more responsive to the
nocturnal suggestions of Gypsy, Ginger, and their friends, the
Authorities began to take alarm. Reforms were occurring at a pace which
made them giddy. And London was acquiring a taste for Initiative which
bothered them. Initiative was their feudal prerogative. They had given
it a good run for its money in 1066, and now, like an old blind petted
house-dog, kept it tenderly on the Westminster hearthrug, and gave it
soft sops for its aged gums. Yet somehow this summer it had escaped and
run amok: they heard it barking like a young pup, and saw it wag its
tail in every street. And wherever it went London voluntarily arrayed
herself in Couleur de Rose. The Authorities had always preferred her in
the stronger tone of Red Tape. They had been saying to her for so many
years, “Red is your Colour, dear,” that she nearly believed it, and
they did quite.
So they sent to Scotland Yard for a Policeman, and gave him a Roving
Commission. Policemen are generally born to their Beat; it is extremely
difficult to disattach any of these men from his walk in life, and,
in the older Constabulary families, where the Beat is entailed, it
is impossible. But now and again a Younger Son is born for whom it
is awkward to provide. One of these was hanging around the Yard that
summer, and it was he who was told off to perambulate London at his
own free will, and discover the conspiracy that was turning sacred
institutions topsy-turvy. At head-quarters the conspirators were
registered as The Moonshiners.
Lionel was enchanted with his job.
It was Gypsy who was the first to scent a public danger at large in
lamplit London. The Regular Policeman is not the public danger you
might suppose. He goes like a metronome, and you have only to time his
beat. Between his two appearances practically anything can be done. But
the Roving Constable is another question altogether. At any moment he
may take you by surprise, like a rainbow in April.
He took Gypsy by surprise outside a baker’s shop in Kentish Town,
opposite a Bus-stop. That night Gypsy was making a round of the
Bus-stops, denying a rumour that Moving Staircases were being
contemplated by the Omnibus Companies to Save the Conductresses’ Feet.
Gypsy had just let the Regular Policeman go by, and was about to paint
his sign in peacock blues and greens on the baker’s window, when Lionel
tapped him on the shoulder.
“Wot are you doing here?” said Lionel. It is the first question given
under the heading “Burglars” in the _Policeman’s Guide to Conversation_.
Gypsy was used to taking situations in at glances. He instantly saw
that the whole fabric of the Moonshiners was threatened, and he
answered with great presence of mind,
“I am trying to steal a plum cake.”
“Wot for?” said Lionel.
“Because I could do with it,” said Gypsy engagingly. And it was true.
Gypsy never paused to consider his interior without discovering that he
could do with plum cake.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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