"I made haste to offer my services to other bishops. When I found
every door shut against me, I firmly deliberated never to recede from
my grade of tonsured clerk under any circumstances whatever; and
I determined to occupy my energies with some pursuit for which my
nature fitted me, until the Divine Giver of my Vocation should deign
to manifest it to others as well as to myself. I chose the trade of a
painter. I was just beginning to make headway when the defalcations of
a Catholic ruined me. All that I ever possessed was swallowed up. Even
my tools of trade illegally were seized. I began life again with no
more than the clothes on my back, a Book of Hours, and eight shillings
in my pocket. I obtained, from a certain prelate, whose name I need
not mention, a commission for a series of pictures to illustrate a
scheme which he had conceived for the confounding of Anglicans. He saw
specimens of my handicraft, was satisfied with my ability, provided
me with materials for a beginning and a disused skittle-alley for a
studio; and, a few weeks later, (I quote his secretary) he altered his
mind and determined to put his money in the building of a cathedral. I
think that I need not trouble Your Eminency with further details."
"Quite unnecessary," Mr. Rose.
"I don't know how I kept alive until I got my next commission. I only
remember that I endured that frightful winter of 1894-5 in light summer
clothes unchanged. But I did not die; and, by odds and ends of work, I
managed to recover a great deal of my lost ground. Then a hare-brained
and degenerate priest asked me to undertake another series of pictures.
I worked two years for him: and he valued my productions at fifteen
hundred pounds: in fact he sold them at that rate. Well, he never paid
me. Again I lost all my apparatus, all my work; and was reduced to the
last extreme of penury. Then I began to write, simply because of the
imperious necessity of expressing myself. And I had much to say. Note
please that I asked nothing better than to be a humble chantry-priest,
saying Mass for the dead. It was denied me. I turned to express
beautiful and holy ideals on canvas. Again I was prevented. I must and
will have scope, an outlet for what the President of Maryvale called my
'talent and energy.' Literature is the only outlet which you Catholics
have left me. Blame yourselves: not me. Oh yes, I have very much to
say."
He paused. The cardinal evaded his glance; and intently gazed at the
under-side of well-manicured pink-onyx finger-nails.
"And about your Vocation, Mr. Rose. What is your present opinion?"
George wrenched himself from retrospection. "My opinion, Eminency, as
I already have had the honour of telling you, is the same as it always
has been."
"That is to say?"
"That I have a Divine Vocation to the Priesthood."
"You persist?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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