QUEEN OF SPADES. Not my ear, Sir Joker, not my ear. It is my nose that reddens from my efforts. KING OF SPADES (_wiping his brow and neck with his handkerchief_). And as to me, it is my neck. 'Tis the pity of being stout. JOKER. The neck, Sir King? Aha, but I warrant that even if it be moist without, it is dry within. KING OF SPADES (_with asperity_). Ay, marry, fool; but not so dry as thy wit. KING OF HEARTS. Come, come, cousin, heed him not. (_The JOKER moves over to the throne of the QUEEN OF HEARTS, and enters into earnest conversation with her._) It pleases me to hear you say you bring a good appetite to the feast. KING OF SPADES. Verily I feel as though I were one vast incarnation of appetite. KING OF HEARTS. All the more honor will you do us, and we shall ever recall this Fourth of July as one that pleased you. And the good lady of Spades, has she too-- QUEEN OF HEARTS (_screams_). Ah, me! Ah, lackaday, lackaday! [_Faints._] KING OF HEARTS. What is this? What is this? The Queen faints! A cup! a cup! QUEEN OF DIAMONDS, QUEEN OF CLUBS, QUEEN OF SPADES (_rising and rushing to the QUEEN OF HEARTS' seat. They pat her hands and fan her_). Yes, a cup, a cup! [_The three KNAVES rush out, R., tumbling over one another and shouting "Water, water!" The KNAVES return, one at a time, bearing glasses of water, but they are met each time by the KING OF SPADES, who takes the glass, goes half-way to the QUEEN OF HEARTS, and then, in his excitement, drinks the water himself. This "business" can be carried on while the ensuing dialogue is being spoken._] QUEEN OF HEARTS (_recovering herself_). Nay, nay, trouble not. I am myself again. It was merely the Joker. [_The three QUEENS resume their seats._] KING OF HEARTS (_angrily_). The Joker? QUEEN OF HEARTS. Ay, he spake in my ear, and said-- KING OF HEARTS (_threatening the JOKER_). What, Sir Joker! Hast thou dared to frighten or disturb the Queen? QUEEN OF HEARTS (_expostulating_). Nay, nay, the Joker is good! Good Sir Joker, tell the King. Tell them all, that they may know! [Illustration: "WHAT IS THIS MYSTERY?"] KING OF HEARTS (_sternly_). Come, Sir Joker, what is this mystery? JOKER. There is no mystery, my lord. It is all but too plain. Her Majesty the Queen, as you know, did fashion eight large fire-crackers of fine red paper, the which were placed upon the board for the banquet. I went to seek a fan for her Majesty of Spades, and in passing the banquet hall curiosity did impel me to look in upon the tables. The fire-crackers are not there, my liege. They have been purloined. They have been stolen. [_Great excitement. The KINGS and QUEENS talk and gesticulate with one another._] KING OF HEARTS. What? The fire-crackers are stolen? JOKER. Ay, my lord, stolen. KING OF SPADES. And will there be no fireworks after the feast? KING OF HEARTS. And the thief? JOKER. It is but left for us to guess.