KING OF HEARTS. Thou shalt say nothing. This is the second time thou art taken a thief. Last summer thou didst steal the Queen's tarts, and now thou takest the fire-crackers. Thou shalt pay for it with thine head! Thou shall be blown up to-night upon a monster pile of fireworks. KNAVE OF HEARTS. Mercy, my lord--mercy! Let me explain. KING OF HEARTS (_to the other KNAVES_). Remove him. [_The KNAVE OF HEARTS is dragged out, L._] QUEEN OF DIAMONDS. And did he steal once before? KING OF HEARTS. That he did, and was therefore severely punished. I myself did beat him full sore. KING OF SPADES (_slapping KING OF HEARTS on the back_). Do it again, cousin--do it again! KING OF HEARTS (_approvingly_). That shall I! Thou speakest well. I beg your patience, ladies; but I will beat this Knave before he dies. [_Exit KING, L., rolling up his sleeves._] KING OF SPADES (_to QUEEN OF SPADES_). 'Tis fortunate he did but take the fire-crackers. I should have grieved surely had they been tarts; for tarts one may eat, but fire-crackers they be somewhat indigestible, I fear. QUEEN OF CLUBS. I had not heard of this previous theft. QUEEN OF HEARTS. It was similar to this, fair cousin. And the Joker hath likewise rhymed upon it. QUEEN OF CLUBS. Indeed. And may we hear the verse, Sir Joker? JOKER. It is a pleasure to sing it. [_Sings_] "The Queen of Hearts She baked some tarts All on a summer's day--" [_Sounds of beating without, and loud cries by the KNAVE OF HEARTS of "Ow!" "Ow!" "Mercy, my lord!" "Hold!" "Hear me!"_] QUEEN OF SPADES. 'Tis evident the punishment hath begun. QUEEN OF CLUBS. Oh, the poor Knave! the poor Knave! [_More sounds of beating and more cries. The KING OF SPADES becomes very much excited._] KING OF SPADES (_shaking his fist in the direction of the cries_). Have at him, good cousin of Hearts, have at him! Ah, but those are lusty blows! By my halidame, I would fain witness that controversy! [_Slaps his knee._] JOKER. A most one-sided controversy, my lord. KING OF SPADES. Nay, but I warrant the King doth lay it on both sides. [_More beating and cries._] JOKER. Ay, from the sounds, he doth lay it on. But, doubtless, it will whet his appetite. KING OF SPADES. His appetite? Now, by St. Dagobert, I have already an appetite as I had beaten an hundred knaves! JOKER. Then will it also be a one-sided controversy when you meet the banquet board. KING OF SPADES. I would fain go out and beat the Knave for causing this delay. (_Sounds and cries._) Have at him! Have at him, sir! Now, a good one for me, sir, a good one! [_The sounds and cries gradually cease._] QUEEN OF CLUBS. Prithee, Sir Joker, finish your rhyme; you did but sing the first lines. JOKER (_sings_). "The Queen of Hearts She baked some tarts All on a summer's day; The Knave of Hearts He stole those tarts, And bore them far away.