Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three actsCoward, Noël
General
Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three acts
Coward, Noël
Comedy plays; English drama (Comedy); Families -- Drama; Psychological games -- Drama
[_They settle themselves comfortably at opposite ends of the
sofa, smoking._
JUDITH: Can you punt?
SANDY: Yes—a bit.
JUDITH: You must teach Simon—he always gets the pole stuck.
SANDY: I’d rather teach you.
JUDITH: You’re so gallant and chivalrous—much more like an American than
an Englishman.
SANDY: I should like to go on saying nice things to you for ever.
JUDITH (_giving him her hand_): Sandy!
[_There comes a loud ring at the bell. JUDITH jumps._
There now!
SANDY: Is anyone else coming to stay?
JUDITH: Anyone else! You don’t know—you just don’t know. Give me my hat.
SANDY (_giving it to her_): You said it would be quite quiet, with nobody
at all.
JUDITH: I was wrong. It’s going to be very noisy, with herds of angry
people stamping about.
[_CLARA enters and opens the front door. MYRA ARUNDEL is posed
outside, consciously well-dressed, with several suit-cases, and
a tennis racquet._
MYRA (_advancing_): Judith—my—dear—this is divine!
JUDITH (_emptily_): Too, too lovely——Where are the others?
MYRA: What others?
[_CLARA goes out._
JUDITH: Did you come by the four-thirty?
MYRA: Yes.
JUDITH: Didn’t you see anyone at the station?
MYRA: Yes; several people, but I didn’t know they were coming here.
JUDITH: Well, they are.
MYRA: Sorel said it was going to be just ourselves this week-end.
JUDITH (_sharply_): Sorel?
MYRA: Yes—didn’t she tell you she’d asked me? Weren’t you expecting me?
JUDITH: Simon muttered something about your coming, but Sorel didn’t
mention it. Wasn’t that odd of her?
MYRA: You’re a divinely mad family. (_To SANDY_) How-do-you-do? It’s
useless to wait for introductions with the Blisses. My name’s Myra
Arundel.
JUDITH (_airily_): Sandy Tyrell, Myra Arundel; Myra Arundel, Sandy
Tyrell. There.
MYRA: Is that your car outside?
SANDY: Yes.
MYRA: Well, Judith, I _do_ think you might have told me someone was
motoring down. A nice car would have been so much more comfortable than
that beastly train.
JUDITH: I never knew you were coming until a little while ago.
MYRA: It’s heavenly here—after London. The heat was terrible when I left.
You look awfully well, Judith. Rusticating obviously agrees with you.
JUDITH: I’m glad you think so. Personally, I feel that a nervous
breakdown is imminent.
MYRA: My dear, how ghastly! What’s the matter?
JUDITH: Nothing’s the matter yet, Myra, but I have presentiments. Come
upstairs, Sandy, and I’ll show you your room.
[_She begins to go upstairs, followed by SANDY. Then she turns._
I’ll send Simon down to you. He’s shaving, I think, but you won’t mind
that, will you?
[_She goes off. MYRA makes a slight grimace after her, then she
helps herself to a cigarette and wanders about the hall—she
might almost play the piano a little; anyhow, she is perfectly
at home._
[_SIMON comes downstairs very fast, putting on his coat. He has
apparently finished his toilet._
SIMON: Myra, this is marvellous! (_He tries to kiss her._)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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