Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three actsCoward, Noël
General
Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three acts
Coward, Noël
Comedy plays; English drama (Comedy); Families -- Drama; Psychological games -- Drama
SANDY: I meant I’ve been looking forward to seeing you.
JUDITH: How perfectly sweet of you. Would you like a drink?
SANDY: No thanks. I’m in training.
JUDITH (_sitting on sofa and motioning him to sit beside her_): How
lovely. What for?
SANDY: I’m boxing again in a couple of weeks.
JUDITH: I must come to your first night.
SANDY: You look simply splendid.
JUDITH: I’m so glad. You know, you mustn’t mind if Simon and Sorel insult
you a little—they’ve been very bad-tempered lately.
SANDY: It’s awfully funny you having a grown-up son and daughter at all.
I can hardly believe it.
JUDITH (_quickly_): I was married very young.
SANDY: I don’t wonder. You know, it’s frightfully queer the way I’ve been
planning to know you for ages, and I never did until last week.
JUDITH: I liked you from the first, really, because you’re such a nice
shape.
SANDY (_slightly embarrassed_): Oh, I see....
JUDITH: Small hips and lovely long legs—I wish Simon had smaller hips. Do
you think you could teach him to box?
SANDY: Rather—if he likes.
JUDITH: That’s just the trouble—I’m afraid he won’t like. He’s so
dreadfully un——that sort of thing. But never mind; you must use your
influence subtly. I’m sure David would be pleased.
SANDY: Who’s David?
JUDITH: My husband.
SANDY (_surprised_): Oh!
JUDITH: Why do you say “Oh” like that? Didn’t you know I had a husband?
SANDY: I thought he was dead.
JUDITH: No, he’s not dead; he’s upstairs.
SANDY: You’re quite different from what you were the other day.
JUDITH: It’s this garden hat—I’ll take it off. (_She does so._) There.
I’ve been pruning the calceolarias.
SANDY (_puzzled_): Oh?——
JUDITH: I love my garden, you know—it’s so peaceful and quaint. I spend
long days dreaming away in it—you know how one dreams.
SANDY: Oh, yes.
JUDITH (_warming up_): I always longed to leave the brittle glamour of
cities and theatres and find rest in some old-world nook. That’s why we
came to Cookham.
SANDY: It’s awfully nice—Cookham.
JUDITH: Have you ever seen me on the stage?
SANDY: Rather!
JUDITH: What in?
SANDY: That thing when you pretended to cheat at cards to save your
husband’s good name.
JUDITH: Oh, “The Bold Deceiver.” That play was never quite right.
SANDY: You were absolutely wonderful. That was when I first fell in love
with you.
JUDITH (_delighted_): Was it, really?
SANDY: Yes; you were so frightfully pathetic and brave.
JUDITH (_basking_): Was I?
SANDY: Rather!
[_There is a pause._
JUDITH: Well, go on....
SANDY: I feel such a fool, telling you what I think, as though it
mattered.
JUDITH: Of course it matters—to me, anyhow.
SANDY: Does it—honestly?
JUDITH: Certainly.
SANDY: It seems too good to be true—sitting here and talking as though we
were old friends.
JUDITH: We _are_ old friends—we probably met in another life.
Reincarnation, you know—fascinating!
SANDY: You do say ripping things.
JUDITH: Do I? Give me a cigarette and let’s put our feet up.
SANDY: All right.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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