Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three actsCoward, Noël
General
Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three acts
Coward, Noël
Comedy plays; English drama (Comedy); Families -- Drama; Psychological games -- Drama
JUDITH (_crossly_): I said Life had dealt me another blow, but I didn’t
mind.
DAVID: Rubbish.
JUDITH (_gently_): You’re probably irritable, dear, because you’re in the
wrong. It’s quite usual.
DAVID: Now, Judith——
JUDITH: Ssshhh! Let me speak—it is my right.
MYRA: I don’t see why.
JUDITH (_surprised_): I am the injured party, am I not?
MYRA: Injured?
JUDITH (_firmly_): Yes, extremely injured.
DAVID (_contemptuously_): Injured!
JUDITH: Your attitude, David, is nothing short of deplorable.
DAVID: It’s all nonsense—sheer, unbridled nonsense.
JUDITH: No, David, you can’t evade the real issues as calmly as that.
I’ve known for a long time—I’ve realised subconsciously for years that
you’ve stopped caring for me in “that way.”
DAVID (_irritably_): What do you mean—“that way”?
JUDITH (_with a wave of the hand_): Just that way.... It’s rather
tragic, but quite inevitable. I’m growing old now—men don’t grow old
like women, as you’ll find to your cost, Myra, in a year or two. David
has retained his youth astonishingly, perhaps because he has had fewer
responsibilities and cares than I——
MYRA: This is all ridiculous hysteria.
DAVID (_looking at her and not liking her very much_): No, Myra—Judith is
right. What are we to do?
MYRA (_furious_): Do? Nothing!
JUDITH (_ignoring her_): Do you love her truly, David?
DAVID: Madly.
MYRA (_astounded_): David!
DAVID (_intensely_): You thought just now that I was joking. Couldn’t
you see that all my flippancy was only a mask, hiding my real
emotions—crushing them down desperately——?
MYRA (_scared_): But, David, I——
JUDITH: I knew it! The time has come for the dividing of the ways.
MYRA: What on earth do you mean?
JUDITH: I mean that I am not the sort of woman to hold a man against his
will.
MYRA: You’re both making a mountain out of a mole-hill. David doesn’t
love me madly, and I don’t love him. It’s——
JUDITH: Ssshhh!—you _do_ love him. I can see it in your eyes—in your
every gesture. David, I give you to her—freely and without rancour. We
must all be good friends, always.
DAVID: Judith, do you mean this?
JUDITH (_with a melting look_): You know I do.
DAVID: How can we ever repay you?
JUDITH: Just by being happy. I may leave this house later on—I have
a feeling that its associations may become painful, specially in the
autumn——
MYRA: Look here, Judith——
JUDITH (_shouting her down_): October is such a mournful month in
England. I think I shall probably go abroad—perhaps a _pension_ somewhere
in Italy, with cypresses in the garden. I’ve always loved cypresses.
DAVID: What about the children?
JUDITH: We must share them, dear.
DAVID: I’ll pay you exactly half the royalties I receive from everything,
Judith.
JUDITH (_bowing her head_): That’s very generous of you.
DAVID: You have behaved magnificently. This is a crisis in our lives, and
thanks to you——
MYRA (_almost shrieking_): Judith—I _will_ speak—I——
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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