Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three actsCoward, Noël
General
Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three acts
Coward, Noël
Comedy plays; English drama (Comedy); Families -- Drama; Psychological games -- Drama
DAVID: Ssshhh, Myra darling—we owe it to Judith to keep control of our
emotions—a scene would be agonising for her now. She has been brave and
absolutely splendid throughout. Let’s not make things harder for her than
we can help. Come, we’ll go out into the garden.
MYRA: I will _not_ go out into the garden.
JUDITH (_twisting her handkerchief_): Please go—I don’t think I can bear
any more just now.
DAVID: So this is the end, Judith?
JUDITH: Yes, my dear,—the end.
[_They shake hands sadly._
[_SIMON enters violently from the garden._
SIMON: Mother—Mother, I’ve got something important to tell you.
JUDITH (_smiling bravely_): Very well, dear.
SIMON: Where’s Sorel?
JUDITH: In the library, I’m afraid.
SIMON (_opening library door_): Sorel, come out—I’ve got something vital
to tell you.
DAVID (_fatherly_): You seem excited, my boy. What has happened?
SOREL (_entering with SANDY_): What’s the matter?
SIMON: I wish you wouldn’t all look so depressed—it’s good news!
DAVID: Good news! I thought perhaps Jackie had been drowned——
SIMON: No, Jackie hasn’t been drowned—she’s been something else.
JUDITH: Simon, what _do_ you mean?
SIMON (_calling_): Jackie—Jackie!
[_JACKIE enters coyly from the garden._
She has become engaged—to me!
JUDITH (_in heartfelt tones_): Simon!
SOREL: Good heavens!
JUDITH: Simon, my dear! Oh, this is too much! (_She cries a little_).
SIMON: What on earth are you crying about, Mother?
JUDITH (_picturesquely_): All my chicks leaving the nest. Now I shall
only have my memories left. Jackie, come and kiss me.
[_JACKIE goes to her._
You must promise to make my son happy——
JACKIE (_worried_): But, Mrs. Bliss——
JUDITH: Ssshhh! I understand. I have not been a mother for nothing.
JACKIE (_wildly_): But it’s not true—we don’t——
JUDITH: You’re trying to spare my feelings—I know——
MYRA (_furiously_): Well, I’m not going to spare your feelings, or anyone
else’s. You’re the most infuriating set of hypocrites I’ve ever seen.
This house is a complete feather-bed of false emotions—you’re posing,
self-centred egotists, and I’m sick to death of you.
SIMON: Myra!
MYRA: Don’t speak to me—I’ve been working up for this, only every time I
opened my mouth I’ve been mowed down by theatrical effects. You haven’t
got one sincere or genuine feeling among the lot of you—you’re artificial
to the point of lunacy. It’s a great pity you ever left the stage,
Judith—it’s your rightful home. You can rant and roar there as much as
ever you like——
JUDITH: Rant and roar! May God forgive you!
MYRA: And let me tell you this——
SIMON (_interrupting_): I’m not going to allow you to say another word to
Mother——
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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