Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three acts — John Shaqi
Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three actsCoward, Noël
General
Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three acts
Coward, Noël
Comedy plays; English drama (Comedy); Families -- Drama; Psychological games -- Drama
CLARA: _The Referee’s_ much better. (_She finds the place and hands it to
SOREL._)
SOREL (_reading_): “I saw gay and colourful Judith Bliss at the Waifs and
Strays Matinée last week. She was talking vivaciously to Producer Basil
Dean. ‘I’ sooth,’ said I to myself, ‘where ignorance is Bliss, ’tis folly
to be wise.’”
JUDITH (_taking it from her_): Dear _Referee_! It’s so unself-conscious.
CLARA: If you want any more coffee, ring for it. (_She goes out._)
SOREL (_sitting down_): I wish I were sitting on a lovely South Sea
island, with masses of palm trees and cocoanuts and turtles——
JUDITH: It would be divine, wouldn’t it?
SOREL: I wonder where everybody is?
JUDITH (_still reading_): I wonder.... Mary Saunders has got another
failure.
SOREL: She must be used to it by now.
[_SIMON comes downstairs with a rush._
SIMON (_kissing JUDITH_): Good morning, darling.—Look! (_He shows her a
newly completed sketch._)
JUDITH: Simon! How lovely! When did you do it?
SIMON: This morning—I woke early.
SOREL (_rising and craning over JUDITH’S shoulder_): Let’s see.
SIMON (_over the other shoulder_): I’m going to alter Helen’s face; it’s
too pink.
SOREL (_laughing_): It’s exactly like her.
JUDITH: What a clever son I have!
SIMON: Now then, Mother!
JUDITH: It’s too wonderful—when I think of you both in your
perambulators.... Oh dear, it makes me cry! (_She sniffs._)
SOREL: I don’t believe you ever saw us in our perambulators.
JUDITH: I don’t believe I did.
[_DAVID comes downstairs._
DAVID (_hilariously_): It’s finished!
JUDITH: What, dear?
DAVID: _The Sinful Woman._
JUDITH: How splendid. Read it to us now.
DAVID: I’ve got the last chapter here.
JUDITH: Go on, then.
[_SANDY rushes in from the front door. On seeing everyone, he
halts._
SANDY: Good morning. (_He bolts upstairs two at a time._)
JUDITH: I seem to know that boy’s face.
DAVID (_preparing to read_): Listen. You remember when Violet was taken
ill in Paris?
JUDITH: Yes, dear.—Marmalade, Simon.
DAVID: Well, I’ll go on from there.
JUDITH: Do, dear.
DAVID (_reading_): “Paris in spring, with the Champs Elysées alive and
dancing in the sunlight; lightly dressed children like gay painted
butterflies——”
SIMON (_whispering to SOREL_): What’s happened to the barometer?
SOREL (_sibilantly_): I don’t know.
DAVID: Damn the barometer!
JUDITH: Don’t get cross, dear.
DAVID: Why can’t you keep quiet, Simon, or go away!
SIMON: Sorry, Father.
DAVID: Well, don’t interrupt again.... (_Reading_) “... gay painted
butterflies; the streets were thronged with hurrying vehicles, the thin
peek-peek of taxi-hooters——”
SOREL: I love “peek-peek.”
DAVID (_ignoring her_): “——seemed to merge in with the other vivid noises
weaving a vast pattern of sound which was Paris. Jane Sefton, in her
scarlet Hispano, swept out of the Rue St. Honoré into the Place de la
Concorde——”
JUDITH: She couldn’t have.
DAVID: Why?
JUDITH: The Rue St. Honoré doesn’t lead into the Place de la Concorde.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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