Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three actsCoward, Noël
General
Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three acts
Coward, Noël
Comedy plays; English drama (Comedy); Families -- Drama; Psychological games -- Drama
SANDY (_to JACKIE_): Look here; I’ll take you up in my car as soon as you
like.
JACKIE: All right; lovely!
MYRA: You’ve got a car, haven’t you?
SANDY: Yes.
MYRA: Will it hold all of us?
JACKIE: You said it would be rude for us all to go. Hadn’t you and Mr.
Greatham better wait for the train?
MYRA: Certainly not.
RICHARD (_to SANDY_): If there is room, we should be very, very grateful.
SANDY: I think I can squeeze you in.
MYRA: Then that’s settled, then.
JACKIE: When shall we start?
SANDY: As soon as you’re ready.
JACKIE: Mrs. Arundel, what are you going to do about tipping Clara?
MYRA: I don’t know. (_To RICHARD_) What do you think?
RICHARD: I’ve hardly seen her since I’ve been here.
JACKIE: Isn’t there a housemaid or anything?
RICHARD: I don’t think so.
SANDY: Is ten bob enough?
JACKIE: Each?
MYRA: Too much.
RICHARD: We’d better give her one pound ten between us.
MYRA: Very well, then. Will you do it, and we’ll settle up in the car?
RICHARD: Must I?
MYRA: Yes. Ring for her.
RICHARD: You’d do it much better.
[_SANDY rings the bell._
MYRA: Oh, no, I shouldn’t. (_To JACKIE_) Come on; we’ll finish our
packing.
JACKIE: All right.
[_They begin to go upstairs._
RICHARD: Here—don’t leave me.
SANDY: I’ll just go and look at the car. Will you all be ready in ten
minutes?
MYRA: Yes, ten minutes. (_She goes off with JACKIE._)
SANDY: Righto. (_He rushes out._)
[_CLARA re-enters._
CLARA: ’Allo, where’s everybody gone?
RICHARD: They’ve gone to get ready. We’re leaving in Mr. Tyrell’s car.
CLARA: A bit sudden, isn’t it?
RICHARD (_pressing money into her hand_): This is from all of us, Clara.
Thank you very much for all your trouble.
CLARA (_surprised_): Aren’t you a dear, now! There wasn’t any trouble.
RICHARD: There must have been a lot of extra work.
CLARA: One gets used to that ’ere.
RICHARD: Good-bye, Clara. (_He goes upstairs._)
[_CLARA proceeds to clear away the dirty breakfast things,
which she takes out. She returns with a fresh pot of coffee,
and meets JUDITH coming downstairs._
JUDITH: Good morning, Clara. Have the papers come?
CLARA: Yes—I’ll fetch them. (_She goes out._)
[_JUDITH pours herself out some coffee, and sits down._
[_CLARA re-enters with papers._
JUDITH: Thank you. You’ve forgotten my orange juice.
CLARA: No, I ’aven’t, dear; it’s just outside. (_She goes out again._)
[_JUDITH turns to the theatrical column of the “Sunday Times.”_
[_SOREL comes downstairs and kisses her._
SOREL: Good morning, darling.
JUDITH: Listen to this. (_She reads_) “We saw Judith Bliss in a box
at the Haymarket on Tuesday, looking as lovely as ever.” There now! I
thought I looked hideous on Tuesday.
SOREL: You looked sweet. (_She goes to get herself some breakfast._)
[_CLARA reappears, with a glass of orange juice._
CLARA (_placing it in front of JUDITH_): Did you see that nice bit in
_The Referee_?
JUDITH: No—_The Times_.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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