He that will not when he may; vol. IIOliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
General
He that will not when he may; vol. II
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Fiction
Lady Markham now scarcely left the sick-room at all. When they warned
her that she would exhaust herself, that she would not be able to bear
the strain, she would shake her head with a woeful sort of smile. She
was not of the kind that breaks down. She was sure of herself so long as
she should be wanted, and afterwards, what did it matter? Now and then
she would come out and take a turn or two along the corridor, rather
because of the restlessness of anguish that would take possession of her
than from any desire to “change the air,” as the nurse said. And when
she was out of the room Sir William’s worn eyes would watch the door.
“Don’t leave me alone,” he said to her in his feeble voice. He had grown
very feeble now. For by far the greater part of the time he was occupied
entirely with his bodily sufferings; but now and then it would occur to
him that there was something in his pocket-book, something that would
give a great deal of trouble--and that there was somebody who wanted to
see him and to force an explanation. How was he able in his weak state,
to give any explanation? He had entreated his wife at first not to allow
him to be disturbed, and now as everything grew dimmer, he could not
bear that she should leave him. There was protection in her presence. At
times it occurred to him that his enemy was lurking outside, and that
all his attendants could do was to keep the intruder at bay. Now and
then he would hear a step in the corridor, which no doubt was his; but
the nurses were all faithful, and the dangerous visitor was never let
in. At these moments Sir William turned his feeble head to look for his
wife. She would protect him. As he went further and further, deeper and
deeper, into the valley of the shadow, he forgot even what the danger
was; but the idea haunted him still. All this time he had never asked
for Paul. He had not wished to see any one, only to have his room well
watched and guarded, and nobody allowed to disturb him. When the doctors
came there was always a thrill of alarm in his mind--not for his own
condition, as might have been supposed, but lest in their train or under
some disguise the man who was his enemy might get admission. And thus,
without any alarm in respect to himself, without any personal uneasiness
about what was coming, he descended gradually the fatal slope. The
thought of death never occurred to him at all. No solemn alarm was his,
not even any consciousness of what might be coming. He never breathed a
word as to what he wished to be done, or gave any directions. In short,
he did not apparently think much of his illness. The idea of a
dangerous and disagreeable visitor who would go away again if no notice
was taken of him, and of whom it was expedient to take no notice, was
the master idea in his mind, and with all the strength he had he kept
this danger secret--it was all the exertion of which he was now capable.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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