Satire, English; Upper class -- England -- Fiction
conduct on these occasions was so uniformly exemplary, that no
instance of the infliction of the penalty appears on record.
The squire and Mr Milestone, as we have already said, had set out
immediately after breakfast to examine the capabilities of the
scenery. The object that most attracted Mr Milestone's admiration was
a ruined tower on a projecting point of rock, almost totally overgrown
with ivy. This ivy, Mr Milestone observed, required trimming and
clearing in various parts: a little pointing and polishing was also
necessary for the dilapidated walls: and the whole effect would be
materially increased by a plantation of spruce fir, interspersed with
cypress and juniper, the present rugged and broken ascent from the
land side being first converted into a beautiful slope, which might be
easily effected by blowing up a part of the rock with gunpowder,
laying on a quantity of fine mould, and covering the whole with an
elegant stratum of turf.
Squire Headlong caught with avidity at this suggestion; and, as he had
always a store of gunpowder in the house, for the accommodation of
himself and his shooting visitors, and for the supply of a small
battery of cannon, which he kept for his private amusement, he
insisted on commencing operations immediately. Accordingly, he bounded
back to the house, and very speedily returned, accompanied by the
little butler, and half a dozen servants and labourers, with pickaxes
and gunpowder, a hanging stove and a poker, together with a basket of
cold meat and two or three bottles of Madeira: for the Squire thought,
with many others, that a copious supply of provision is a very
necessary ingredient in all rural amusements.
Mr Milestone superintended the proceedings. The rock was excavated,
the powder introduced, the apertures strongly blockaded with fragments
of stone: a long train was laid to a spot which Mr Milestone fixed on
as sufficiently remote from the possibility of harm: the Squire seized
the poker, and, after flourishing it in the air with a degree of
dexterity which induced the rest of the party to leave him in solitary
possession of an extensive circumference, applied the end of it to the
train; and the rapidly communicated ignition ran hissing along the
surface of the soil.
At this critical moment, Mr Cranium and Mr Panscope appeared at the
top of the tower, which, unseeing and unseen, they had ascended on the
opposite side to that where the Squire and Mr Milestone were
conducting their operations. Their sudden appearance a little dismayed
the Squire, who, however, comforted himself with the reflection, that
the tower was perfectly safe, or at least was intended to be so, and
that his friends were in no probable danger but of a knock on the head
from a flying fragment of stone.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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