American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American; West (U.S.) -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
“You’re welcome to it,” says I. “What I want is a disinterested
statement of facts for the mind to work on, and that’s what I seem to
find in the book I’ve drawn.”
“What you’ve got,” says Idaho, “is statistics, the lowest grade of
information that exists. They’ll poison your mind. Give me old K. M.’s
system of surmises. He seems to be a kind of a wine agent. His regular
toast is ‘nothing doing,’ and he seems to have a grouch, but he keeps
it so well lubricated with booze that his worst kicks sound like an
invitation to split a quart. But it’s poetry,” says Idaho, “and I have
sensations of scorn for that truck of yours that tries to convey sense
in feet and inches. When it comes to explaining the instinct of
philosophy through the art of nature, old K. M. has got your man beat
by drills, rows, paragraphs, chest measurement, and average annual
rainfall.”
So that’s the way me and Idaho had it. Day and night all the excitement
we got was studying our books. That snowstorm sure fixed us with a fine
lot of attainments apiece. By the time the snow melted, if you had
stepped up to me suddenly and said: “Sanderson Pratt, what would it
cost per square foot to lay a roof with twenty by twenty-eight tin at
nine dollars and fifty cents per box?” I’d have told you as quick as
light could travel the length of a spade handle at the rate of one
hundred and ninety-two thousand miles per second. How many can do it?
You wake up ’most any man you know in the middle of the night, and ask
him quick to tell you the number of bones in the human skeleton
exclusive of the teeth, or what percentage of the vote of the Nebraska
Legislature overrules a veto. Will he tell you? Try him and see.
About what benefit Idaho got out of his poetry book I didn’t exactly
know. Idaho boosted the wine-agent every time he opened his mouth; but
I wasn’t so sure.
This Homer K. M., from what leaked out of his libretto through Idaho,
seemed to me to be a kind of a dog who looked at life like it was a tin
can tied to his tail. After running himself half to death, he sits
down, hangs his tongue out, and looks at the can and says:
“Oh, well, since we can’t shake the growler, let’s get it filled at the
corner, and all have a drink on me.”
Besides that, it seems he was a Persian; and I never hear of Persia
producing anything worth mentioning unless it was Turkish rugs and
Maltese cats.
That spring me and Idaho struck pay ore. It was a habit of ours to sell
out quick and keep moving. We unloaded our grubstaker for eight
thousand dollars apiece; and then we drifted down to this little town
of Rosa, on the Salmon river, to rest up, and get some human grub, and
have our whiskers harvested.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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