American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American; West (U.S.) -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
Rosa was no mining-camp. It laid in the valley, and was as free of
uproar and pestilence as one of them rural towns in the country. There
was a three-mile trolley line champing its bit in the environs; and me
and Idaho spent a week riding on one of the cars, dropping off at
nights at the Sunset View Hotel. Being now well read as well as
travelled, we was soon _pro re nata_ with the best society in Rosa, and
was invited out to the most dressed-up and high-toned entertainments.
It was at a piano recital and quail-eating contest in the city hall,
for the benefit of the fire company, that me and Idaho first met Mrs.
De Ormond Sampson, the queen of Rosa society.
Mrs. Sampson was a widow, and owned the only two-story house in town.
It was painted yellow, and whichever way you looked from you could see
it as plain as egg on the chin of an O’Grady on a Friday. Twenty-two
men in Rosa besides me and Idaho was trying to stake a claim on that
yellow house.
There was a dance after the song books and quail bones had been raked
out of the Hall. Twenty-three of the bunch galloped over to Mrs.
Sampson and asked for a dance. I side-stepped the two-step, and asked
permission to escort her home. That’s where I made a hit.
On the way home says she:
“Ain’t the stars lovely and bright to-night, Mr. Pratt?”
“For the chance they’ve got,” says I, “they’re humping themselves in a
mighty creditable way. That big one you see is sixty-six million miles
distant. It took thirty-six years for its light to reach us. With an
eighteen-foot telescope you can see forty-three millions of ’em,
including them of the thirteenth magnitude, which, if one was to go out
now, you would keep on seeing it for twenty-seven hundred years.”
“My!” says Mrs. Sampson. “I never knew that before. How warm it is! I’m
as damp as I can be from dancing so much.”
“That’s easy to account for,” says I, “when you happen to know that
you’ve got two million sweat-glands working all at once. If every one
of your perspiratory ducts, which are a quarter of an inch long, was
placed end to end, they would reach a distance of seven miles.”
“Lawsy!” says Mrs. Sampson. “It sounds like an irrigation ditch you was
describing, Mr. Pratt. How do you get all this knowledge of
information?”
“From observation, Mrs. Sampson,” I tells her. “I keep my eyes open
when I go about the world.”
“Mr. Pratt,” says she, “I always did admire a man of education. There
are so few scholars among the sap-headed plug-uglies of this town that
it is a real pleasure to converse with a gentleman of culture. I’d be
gratified to have you call at my house whenever you feel so inclined.”
And that was the way I got the goodwill of the lady in the yellow
house. Every Tuesday and Friday evening I used to go there and tell her
about the wonders of the universe as discovered, tabulated, and
compiled from nature by Herkimer. Idaho and the other gay Lutherans of
the town got every minute of the rest of the week that they could.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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