"You were so awkward, so impossible; you had so much of talent and knew
so little how to use it. It seemed to me the very mockery of fate that
my heart should fasten its affection upon you. I tried to break the
spell, and could not. I yielded to my heart. I had to love you, to let
myself adore you.
"I thought of taking you with me, but the way was too long; yours was
more than talent—far more; it was genius, but buried deep and scattered
wide. It would have taken a lifetime to chisel it out and assemble it
in the perfect whole of successful art. I shrank before the treadmill
task.
"And something else—I was jealous of you!"
Hampstead, who despite his incredulity had been listening attentively,
raised his eyebrows.
"Jealous of the artist you might become. Your genius when it flowered
would overtop mine as your character overtops mine."
The speaker paused, as if to mark the effect of her words.
"Go on," urged Hampstead impatiently, and for the first time betraying
feeling. "In the name of God, woman, if you have one word of
justification to speak, let me hear it!"
"I have it," Miss Dounay rejoined, yet more impetuously, "in that one
word which I have already spoken—love!" She paused, passed her hand
across her brow, and again resumed the thread of her story, still
speaking rapidly but with an increase of dramatic emphasis.
"Then came the final ecstasy of pain. You loved me. You demanded me.
You charged me with loving you. You told me it was like the murder of a
beautiful child to kill a love like ours. You argued, persuaded,
demanded—compelled—almost possessed me!"
The woman’s face whitened, her eyes closed, and she reeled dizzily under
the spell of a memory that swept her into transports.
"But," replied the minister quietly, "you killed our beautiful child."
"No! No!!" she exclaimed, thrusting out her hands to him. "Do not say
that! I only exposed it—to the vicissitudes of years, to absence and to
a foul slander which my own lips breathed against myself! But I did not
kill it! I did not kill it!"
"At any rate, it is dead," replied the man, his voice as sadly
sympathetic as it was coolly decisive.
"But I will make it live again," the woman exclaimed desperately. "I
love you, John! Oh, God, how I love you!"
She endeavored to reach his neck with her arms, but the minister stepped
back, and she stood wringing them emptily, a look in her eyes as if she
implored him to understand.
But the minister was still unresponsive.
"It was a queer way for love to act," he protested, and again with that
comprehensive gesture which called accusing notice to the ruin pulled
down upon him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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