MY author is not merely blameful To leave _you_ out--'tis downright shameful! Affording you no condescension, Beyond an incidental mention; Since none like you, one must suppose, Can take a noble by the nose; Whilst lofty thoughts you well may harbour, Having been always 'quite the barber:' And rising thus, with perfect ease, To almost any thing you please. If you're with some good-natured Duke, Why, free of course from coarse rebuke, You take upon, and call about you, Knowing he can't get on without you; So clever keeping out the duns, And ushering the 'priests and nuns!' 'Airs' may not suit his 'Grace's' whim, And so you lord it over him! If friends remonstrate, he will say, "I fancy it's the rascal's way." If he be _deaf_, you'll keep him under By making signs, else let him wonder: If dim of sight, still all the better, You'll more than peep in every letter; Nor will it be by you denied, Most Lords have more than one 'blind side.' To some good tune you've owned this blessing, Whilst idolized for taste in dressing, Since the whole wardrobe's varied range Is yours, by turns, to 'sell or change!' Urged by the winning approbation Or of a Solomons or Nathan, You can estrange each 'chosen' waistcoat, And alienate his dearest dress-coat! Or, by the use of 'fitting' phrases, Stock half the shops with 'misfit' jaseys. You 'try it on:' howe'er becoming, If you begin just 'ha-ing, humming,' It puts him straight in such a fume, He kicks it up and down the room; Though you've "no wish to seem capricious, There's something _in it_ not judicious." Then for new suits you feel his pulse, The measure answers,--"Send for Stultz!" "Our stock of boots is far from nobby:" "Well! where the d----l, sir, is Hoby?" Get but the measure of his foot, You've clothes, wigs, _jewels_, all 'to boot!' The more you crave the more he's Frank for't, Though chiefly you've yourself to thank for't. Thus whilst whole cargoes you command, At once as 'good as' second-hand, Yet (on the other hand) 'tis true, They're 'not inferior' to new. Sweet interchange! yourself so fervent, A sample of the 'perfect servant;' Without one wish to take it 'cooler,' Having so 'Exquisite' a ruler! If vastly nice in his amours, Still all goes nicely on all fours. Large though your meed for nice attention, The gross amount one need not mention; Prove that he made you once a _present_, And _help yourself_ all nice and pleasant! Good Judges will applaud the fun, And own the thing was nicely done. Now, as your mind acquires expansion, You'll build yourself a tidy mansion; The tradesmen freely will afford,-- By way of _samples_ for your Lord, (Your delicacy not to shock it,) Both prog and furniture to stock it.