Thus some opine some odd disaster, So blends the Servant with the Master, That they might doubt, amidst the pother, Whether they dined with one or t'other! Allow me now the leave to ask you,-- Supposing I'd the right to task you,-- Would you be Clergyman or Doctor, Attorney, Barrister, or Proctor? Be famed in arms, or shine in arts, Upon the whole a man of parts Rais'd to high fortune by the palette? Before them all--a 'lying Valet!' Joking apart, here be some traces, Of what are called 'good Valets' places.' And now, if these be fitting words Pertaining but to Dukes and Lords, How shall the Muse presume to sing Of those who serve a Prince or King? Sweet goddess! bring th' event about, And 'place' thy 'servants' out of doubt! We'll say you mayn't have had the gumption To make this galloping consumption Of half his wealth, without a rumpus,-- Or say a quarter (within compass); Still as to have, you've still been known, The devil's luck besides your own, The King or Prince a visit pays To your grandee for some few days. You're introduced, somehow or other, And 'somehow' set aside your brother, Who, e'en unsafe in his own skin, Forced to jump out,--why you jump in! All your 'attentions' are so striking, At once they catch the royal liking. Your Master feigns a 'deep regret,' Well knowing what himself shall get: You (bless your _stars_ for such a barter) Are bought and paid for with--the GARTER! And having got just what you wish'd for, No secret make of what you _fish'd for_. Fortune can go but one step higher, You're made a Page, and dubb'd Esquire; And then you'll turn upon your heel, Prouder than Wellington or Peel, Since you yourself can hardly know How far your influence may go. And now your almost only care, Amidst the all-attractive glare, Is to ward off all applications From seedy friends and poor relations; While you've no end of fun and sport When clumsy people come to Court. The King will do whate'er you crave him, If you'll but just agree to 'shave him;' Which you most certainly will do More ways than one, and closely too! [Illustration: THE WAITING-WOMAN.] THE WAITING-WOMAN.