United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction
As he ceased speaking, the silence and darkness of the grove did seem
ominous and oppressive, and Graham's old wretched presentiment of
Christmas morning returned, but he strove with all the ingenuity in his
power to reason his friend out of his morbid mood, as he termed it. He
kindled his fire into a cheerful blaze, and Hilland cowered and
shivered over it; then looking up abruptly, he said, "Graham, you and I
accepted the belief long ago that man was only highly organized matter.
I must admit to you that my mind has often revolted at this belief; and
the thought that Grace was merely of the earth has always seemed to me
sacrilegious. She never was what you would call a religious girl; but
she once had a quiet, simple faith in a God and a hereafter, and she
expected to see her mother again. I fear that our views have troubled
her exceedingly; although with that rare reserve in a woman, she never
interfered with one's strong personal convictions. The shallow woman
tries to set everybody right with the weighty reason, 'Oh, because it
IS so; all good people say it is so.' I fear our views have unsettled
hers also. I wish they had not; indeed I wish I could believe somewhat
as she did.
"Once, only once, she spoke to me with a strange bitterness, but it
revealed the workings of her mind. I, perhaps, was showing a little too
much eagerness in my spirit and preparation for active service, and she
broke out abruptly, 'Oh, yes, you and Alford can rush into scenes of
carnage very complacently. You believe that if the bullet is only sure
enough, your troubles are over forever, as Alford once said. I suppose
you are right, for you learned men have studied into things as we poor
women never can. If it's true, those who love as we do should die
together.' It has often seemed that her very love--nay, that mine--was
an argument against our belief. That a feeling so pure, vivid, and
unselfish, so devoid of mere earthiness--a feeling that apparently
contains within itself the very essence of immortality--can be
instantly blotted out as a flame is extinguished, has become a terrible
thought. Grace Hilland is worthy of an immortal life, and she has all
the capacity for it. It's not her lovely form and face that I love so
much as the lovely something--call it soul, spirit, or what you
choose--that will maintain her charm through all the changes from youth
to feeble and withered age. How can I be sure that the same gentle,
womanly spirit may not exist after the final change we call death, and
that to those worthy of immortal life the boon is not given? Reason is
a grand thing, and I know we once thought we settled this question; but
reason fails me to-night, or else love and the intense longings of the
heart teach a truer and deeper philosophy--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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