History of a literary radical, and other essaysBourne, Randolph Silliman
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History of a literary radical, and other essays
Bourne, Randolph Silliman
American essays -- 20th century
But sin, on the whole, was a very vague idea to Gilbert. He early
learned that God had sent His Son Jesus down to earth to save us from
our sins, and that this was the central fact of life. Garna told him
about it, and so did Miss Fogg, when they later had lessons in the
New Testament. We must all love God very much, and especially Jesus,
who had done so much for us. And in the solemn Sunday afternoons,
when Gilbert was told to take his Bible and sit by the window in the
back-parlor and read a chapter, he would sometimes wonder if he loved
God enough, or if he loved Jesus. God was a majestic old gentleman with
a white beard, reclining on white cumulus clouds, and Jesus he knew
equally well as a young man in an archaic blue robe, holding a lamb in
one arm, and followed by others. He had seen their pictures long ago,
and whenever either of them was mentioned, these images popped into his
mind, faintly colored by a sense of awe, as in the case of God, and of
tenderness, as in the case of Jesus. But did he love them? The pastor
was certainly a very poor caricature of God, and yet with his beard and
square head and loud words, there must be a faint resemblance. Gilbert
certainly did not like him.
Much more nearly like God was his father’s father, whom he had once
been taken to see and whom he remembered now as a white-haired,
white-bearded man, very solemn, and yet with something cold and
repellent about him whenever Gilbert had touched him. Gilbert did not
feel that he loved this God, and yet he knew that he ought to, that it
was the most important thing in life that he could do. So he would sit
there and try to screw his heart into an attitude of loving. He would
grow very serious and tighten his muscles, and fix his thought on the
majesty reclining on the white cloud, and, pretty soon, he would feel
that indeed he now loved God, and he would be kept from sin. Jesus, who
was tenderer, he might have found easier to love, but for the fact of
those lambs. Gilbert had never seen young men carrying lambs, and the
picture, whose authenticity he did not question, aroused no emotion
within him. But after he had come to love God, he tightened his heart
towards the benignant being in the blue robe.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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