"I'll Leave It To You": A Light Comedy In Three ActsCoward, Noël
General
"I'll Leave It To You": A Light Comedy In Three Acts
Coward, Noël
Comedy plays; Inheritance and succession -- Drama
DANIEL. So should I between ourselves, but still----. Oh, by the way,
I--I have something rather important to say to you, you must prepare
yourselves for a shock--I--I----SPACELEFT(_He dabs his eyes with his
handkerchief._)
MRS. DERMOTT. What on earth is it, Danny?
DANIEL. I--I----SPACELEFT(_Another dab._)
SYLVIA. Oh, uncle, tell us.
DANIEL. I--er--it's this. I consulted my doctor just before I sailed.
MRS. DERMOTT. Yes?
DANIEL. He--he gave me just three years to live.
MRS. DERMOTT. Danny, what do you mean?
DANIEL (_firmly_). It's true--three years, he said.
MRS. DERMOTT. It's the most awful thing. Tell us why--what's the matter
with you? (_Quickly._)
DANIEL (_rather staggered_). The matter with me?
MRS. DERMOTT. Yes, of course, you must see a specialist at once.
DANIEL (_pulling himself together dramatically_). No specialist in the
world could ever do me any good.
MRS. DERMOTT. Well, what is it? For God's sake tell us!
DANIEL (_takes big breath_). Sleeping sickness! (_Smiles broadly at_
MRS. DERMOTT.)
MRS. DERMOTT. What!! (_They all move._)
DANIEL. Yes, it's frightfully prevalent out there.
MRS. DERMOTT. Oh, Danny, I hope its not infectious.
OLIVER. Sleeping sickness! By Jove!
DANIEL. Yes, I simply daren't go to sleep without an alarm clock.
MRS. DERMOTT. Danny darling, it's all too dreadful--I can't believe it.
BOBBIE (_rising_). But, uncle, I thought sleeping sickness polished you
off in one night.
DANIEL (_embarrassed_). So it does, but that one night won't happen to
me for three years. The doctor says so. He knows. You see I've got it
internally or something.
MRS. DERMOTT (_firmly_). You must never go back there--you shall stay
with us until--until--the end----
(_She breaks down, sobs on_ DANIEL'S _shoulder._)
SYLVIA (_goes behind Chesterfield_). Oh, mother darling, don't cry.
(_She looks at_ DANIEL _rather angrily._)
DANIEL (_rising_). I'm sorry I have upset you, Anne. But I have told
you this to-day with a purpose in my mind. (_Moving to_ C.)
OLIVER. A purpose?
DANIEL (L. _of arm-chair_). Yes, I have a few words to say to you
all--words which, though they may sound a little mercenary, are in
reality prompted by very deep feeling.
MRS. DERMOTT. Poor Danny.
DANIEL. Ssh! (_waves her to silence_). It may seem to all of you "banal"
in the extreme to talk of money on an occasion such as this, but believe
me, it's best to get it over. I came over to England this time, as I
have said, with a purpose--one might almost say a double purpose.
Firstly, to comfort my sister, your dear mother, in her hour
of--er--tribulation. (_He pauses._) If you would just say "yes" or
"quite so" whenever I pause, it would help me enormously.
SYLVIA. All right, we will.
DANIEL. Thank you, you are a good girl. Where was I?
BOBBIE. Tribulation.
EVANGELINE. Hour of tribulation (_in his tone._)
DANIEL.SPACELEFT----hour of tribulation. (_He pauses._)
SYLVIA. } Yes.
BOBBIE. } Quite so.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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